Have you ever looked up LOVE in the dictionary? I did tonight. How interesting one 4 letter word can have so many meanings. There are at least 9 different definitions of LOVE. My favorite being a score in tennis, by the way. I also find it interesting that it’s firstly, a noun, when often it feels like a verb or an adjective. It can be considered all of the above, which seems sort of fitting for this particular word, don’t you think. Such a powerful word, love, yet we throw it around like a football on Thanksgiving. I love that sweater, I love sushi, I love you. It’s used for so many things it seems to me to have lost all it’s power. It’s so easily purrs from our lips, “I looooovvvve youuu”. It’s so easily posted in our Facebook status. I’m starting to notice that there is a direct correlation to the number of times a husband or wife posts about their love for their companion in their Facebook status and divorce, I’m not kidding. This week alone I’ve seen three supposedly perfect (well according to Facebook anyway) marriages dropping like hot cakes. And really, that sweater, if you love it so much why don’t you marry it. (As my 7 year old would say, come on we’re all 7 still aren’t we!) Sometimes I wonder if I should have just married my sweater. But then I remember how I felt when I uttered those words that day I got married. I truly meant it. I felt love with every ounce of my being. It felt powerful to say. So I guess the question becomes is love permanent? Can we love something forever? I am guilty of uttering the words “I will love you forever,” and when I did I truly believed I would. But the truth is that kind of love wasn’t sustainable. I truly felt love, in the moment, years even! And the chemicals in my body released made me feel as if I would “love forever.” But as with every chemical high our body gives us, eventually we reach a point where gravity takes over. For every high there is a low, for every beginning there is an end. There are certainly many types of love. I know I will always have love for my children (maternal love). I can see how maternal love is ever lasting, the chemicals released and the part of the brain that lights up is completely different then friendship and romantic love. Love for friends and romantic love, hmmm those two are tied to so many things. So many expectations and attachments to the past. There are at least a dozen specific parts of the brain that are activated when we feel romantic love, which leads to a release of all sorts of good juices! (Peptides) These yummy juices influence certain behaviors ranging from pleasure to sadness. I guess that depends on if the love you [...]

Since my divorce, I’ve met a lot of divorced people. It’s funny that when I was married, I knew mostly married people. I guess that’s what we humans do, we gravitate towards our kind, and now my kind is divorced with kids, and I’m surprised to say I’m happy about that. I’m also well into my forties and, guess what, I’m happy about that, too. After a year of being sad and scorned and hurt and scared that I’d never find love; I’d never make enough money to support my kids; I’d never have the life I dreamed of as a young girl — something finally clicked. As I watched my divorced friends scurry off to recreate the past, I didn’t. For about a year, I did what I had to do to support my kids, but I knew it wasn’t a forever thing. I didn’t feel the need to plant myself anywhere, to rebuild or to fix, I just sort of floated about and then it hit me. You know what? I actually don’t have to do any of those things. I am completely free to do whatever I want. Whoa...you mean I don’t have to find a husband? I don’t have to stay in the career I was in while I was married? I am completely free to reinvent myself any way I want? That’s awesome. Like really awesome. Lucky for me (and for all of us), we live in a time where we don’t have to follow the program; we can create our own, and that’s exactly what I did. I decided I probably wasn’t interested in getting married again, and I certainly wasn’t having anymore kids (I have two amazing kids already). I decided what I really wanted to be was a writer, a story teller — not too far off from what I did before, but new enough that I was both frightened and exhilarated at the thought of attempting to support myself and my kids on such a lofty, artsy endeavor. I found faith in myself. I looked back on my marriage and I saw a resourceful, creative, fun loving being who may no longer have all the accepted labels of a woman my age (Married with children, awesome husband, house, car and a designer wardrobe to boot), that even though my marriage had ended, I was still alive and growing! I saw for the first time the freedom to explore life and trust that I am capable of raising my kids and living fully at the same time. Divorce after 40 doesn’t have to be the end of your life; it can also be the beginning of your new one. I look back on my marriage as a chapter in my book, and the next pages are mine to write on and no one else’s. I don’t have to follow a script, I don’t have to play by the rules, I am free to do and be anything [...]

Healing from a break up takes time and patience. Two things I never seem to have, but am learning, thanks to, well, a break up! A little over a year ago my marriage ended. After the shock wore off, which for me lasted about 3 weeks, I did what I usually do- research. I like instructions. I like to do lists. I like to have a plan and I didn’t seem to have any of those for dealing with the hurt and betrayal caused by my divorce. I wasn’t surprised that I got divorced. I think I saw that coming. But even so, it didn’t hurt any less. There were plenty of books and I read a couple, but who has time to read every book! I felt overwhelmed by all the information and advice coming my way. I was angry with God, I was angry at anything “spiritual”. I didn’t want to hear another person tell me to mediate on it. I just wanted someone to take my hand and lead me out of the tunnel of darkness I found myself in. When everyone around you thinks you’re the leader, it’s hard to find someone to follow. It’s especially hard to follow when YOU THINK you’re the leader. During my research, I came across an article written by a couple of therapists who had a program called Divorce Detox. Well right off the bat, I liked the name. It had a sense of humor and it was pretty right on. I mean we detox from toxins in our body right- why notdetox the emotions. So I checked it out. Amazing how the universe seems to deliver right what you need when you need it. They had a session starting right away and I jumped at the chance to join. It wasn’t until after jumping that I realized I was going to have to sit in a room with a bunch of people I didn’t know and spill the beans on my life, my marriage and ME! I had never done that with my friends- let alone a bunch of strangers. Vulnerability was not my strong point. I almost backed out, out of fear of being exposed as the horrible person I felt I was. I was amazed, instead, to find a room full of loving people who understood my pain, my hurt, my anger and who loved me, even if they didn’t “know” me. Well they sure got to know me, and I still talk to them today, a year later. They gave me the greatest gift I have ever received (except for my children). They gave me their ears and their hearts. For the first time I sat in room and didn’t feel judged, I didn’t have to impress or be smart or funny. I could just be me, and begin to find me again. I found someone to lead me, or I should say a group to lead me. I found a to do [...]