By David Steele   Discover how your thoughts and feelings are your keys to living happily ever after. When singles become couples, each partner has different hopes and dreams, wants and needs, attitudes and experiences. These differences too often result in relationship failure and disappointment when one or both partners attempt to mold the relationship and their partner to fit what they want, rather than accepting and embracing what is. While we must have a vision and requirements and choose a partner and relationship aligned with what we want, we can't be so rigid that we reject reality. How do we let go of needing perfection without settling for less than what we really want? One strategy I recommend for Conscious Dating is to "experience your experience." WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO "EXPERIENCE YOUR EXPERIENCE?" Your "experience" is what happens inside of you. It happens automatically. It's the thoughts that pop into your head, the sensations you have in your body; what you see, hear, feel, touch and taste. It's what you are feeling emotionally. Your experience just happens. You go to a movie and you love the movie and you feel tingly and warm, that is your experience of the movie; you have a positive experience of it. You go to a movie and it scares you, turns you off, you hate it and it repulses you; you have a negative experience of the movie. Your experience is involuntary. It just happens and it always happens in the now, so you must be present in the now to experience your experience; you can't be in the past, thinking about what was, and you can't be in the future, thinking about what will be. Relationships only happen in the present. Connection can only happen in the present. To be in touch with what is real for us and to have a fulfilling relationship we must be able to experience our experience. So "experience your experience" means to be present, be in the now, experiencing what is going on for you right now, and what's real for you right now, instead of your fantasies about what will be and your associations about what was in the past. Experiencing your experience is important because too often we bring our past baggage into a relationship; we don't see the person and the relationship for what it is, we are too busy coloring it with the past, or we are absorbed in fantasy about the future, about what it might be and could be and will be. EXPERIENCE HAPPENS FIRST Your experience is what's real for you, and you get to decide what it means. If you went to a movie and it repulsed you, then you might make up a story, an interpretation of your experience, that the movie was horrible, it was the worst movie ever made. That's because of your experience. Your experience results in your stories or your interpretations and meanings, and then what you [...]

By David Steele One of the hardest things for me to accept is that I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures as well as my successes. As a child of divorce I swore that when I got married it would be for life, yet I’ve been married and divorced twice. I wish it were different, but that is the reality I must accept about my life, and since I made my relationship choices, I can’t blame my exes, my mother, father, or anyone else for my outcomes. FATE AND DESTINY I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in “fate” or “destiny,” that things happen as they’re meant to happen. This force can also be called “The Law of Attraction,” which helps me to embrace and accept “what is,” believing that I’m exactly where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go. I don’t believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens that I don’t like (divorce, car accident, etc) I’ve found that if I ask myself “What’s the purpose or reason for this event?” I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I’m honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I’m resisting. As RCI coach LeAnn O’Neal says “Each painful moment is an opportunity for new expansion.” I’ll try to remember that next time… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT After 50 years on this planet I finally “got” that “what you resist, persists,” and learned to examine and accept life’s lessons. My attitude used to be “I know” and “I can handle it” and “I have it under control” (hey, at least it wasn’t “It’s their fault” and “Why me?” and “I deserve it!”). Now my attitude is a little more humble, such as “What do I need to learn?” and “What’s the reason or purpose behind this?” I’m very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What’s inside shows up on the outside and what I’m thinking will become reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs! THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION If you’re single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I’m playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is “Why are you single?” “Why” doesn’t mean “What happened?” or “Whose fault is it?” In this case “Why” refers to [...]

By David Steele   We humans are social creatures. Relationships come quite naturally to us. So you would think that we would not only be able to make them work, but we would be really good at them. But it’s not so simple. There are seven billion people on this planet. Some of them are easy for you to get along with and you would love to have as your friend. Others are just plain difficult for you to be around. On top of it all you have family relationships to deal with, which creates a whole new set of challenges because you don’t have a choice who is in your family. And then there’s marriage. If you encounter difficulty with people you don’t live with, how are you possibly expected to get along consistently and seamlessly with your life partner—day in, day out? More than that, how do you achieve your dream and live happily ever after? In Chapter One of Radical Marriage we highlight a fundamental principle of a Radical Marriage that comes down to perspective. In other words, What you see depends upon where you’re standing and where you’re looking. Raising Consciousness Most of us don’t want to go through life alone. We want to live a life of fulfillment with the love of our life. We want that one special person or soul mate (or whatever term speaks to us) to share the human experience. In fact, it’s a particular journey that has always fascinated David because of his unhappy family and childhood and fueled his interest in becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. So he did. As a therapist, David devoted his profession to helping people achieve a good relationship. Even when he succeeded, that was as far as it went. He couldn’t take his clients beyond good since he couldn’t see beyond good. Once his clients were no longer in danger of getting divorced, they stopped coming and he felt good about his work. He thought his work was done, because he didn’t know any better. He was never trained in what to do after helping a couple have a good relationship. More disappointing, about half the couples crumbled. David himself even got divorced twice during this period—a devastating experience for a relationship therapist. Never Give Up Not only did David not give up, he doubled down on his commitment and dedicated his life to studying relationships and helping other people. Regardless of how his own life was working out, he wanted to help others live happily ever after. And if he could do it while reaching for his own level of marital happiness, all the better. David’s eyes were opened reading Gay and Katie Hendricks’s book, Conscious Loving. It inspired him with possibilities. It helped him see that there is a spiritual level to relationships, a level beyond what we can see and know. He became aware that the couple relationship is the ultimate adventure in personal growth [...]

by David Steele Our reality and results are largely determined by our beliefs and attitudes. Attitudes are internal beliefs that create your experience of yourself, others, and life; the way you see things and your internal state of “being” that are largely self-fulfilling; they WILL be true because you believe them and allow them to be true. Attitudes are influenced by your personality and experiences, and can be positive and productive, or negative and unproductive. You can consciously choose the ones that serve you and let go of the ones that sabotage you. TOP SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS OF SINGLES Everyone has fears and self-limiting beliefs, but are often unaware of them. Check the ones below that fit for you. When reading each one, do a “gut check,” and if you experience the slightest physical or emotional reaction, it most likely applies to you. ABOUT SELF: _____ 1. I’m not good enough _____ 2. I don’t deserve love _____ 3. I don’t deserve to be happy _____ 4. I’m not __________ (attractive, successful, young, rich, thin, etc) enough _____ 5. I’m too __________ (old, unattractive, dysfunctional, late, unsuccessful, etc) ABOUT DATING: _____ 6. All the good ones are taken _____ 7. I have to take what I can get, or be alone _____ 8. My “Ideal Partner” doesn’t exist, or is already taken _____ 9. There is no such thing as a “Soul Mate” or “True Love” _____10. I must be “realistic” in my expectations ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS: _____11. I will be rejected if I ask for what I want, or say “no” _____12. I will be abandoned if I care too much _____13. I will hurt the one I love _____14. I will be smothered or controlled _____15. I will lose myself _____16. I will be hurt if I trust _____17. If you really know me, you won’t like or love me TOP 10 RELATIONSHIP ATTITUDES Below is a list of attitudes that I believe are important for singles to adopt to find fulfillment in life and relationships. I will be happy by having goals and letting go of attachment to outcomes I strive to live and “be” in the present I love, accept, and trust myself I focus on connecting, not results; a partner is someone to love, not an object or goal I strive to be authentic; being fully honest with myself and others, aligning my words, values and actions I strive to live my life with intentionality; making choices conscious of my goals and consequences I strive to take the necessary risks, overcome my fears, and stretch my comfort level to reach my goals I assume abundance; all the opportunities and resources that I need will appear I take responsibility for my outcomes by taking initiative in my life and relationships What others judge about me is about them; I strive to let go of what others think and not take it personally In what ways do you limit and sabotage yourself? How can [...]

By David Steele   ad.i.cal (adjective): very different from the usual or traditional Most couples don’t want an ordinary, boring, routine relationship. They want excitement, fun, closeness, love. When we get married we make vows to be together until death do us part. That’s a long time, and sadly, half of marriages don’t or can’t keep that commitment. We have a dream or vision of how we want our life together to be. We become unhappy if we’re too far off track from that dream. If we don’t believe our dream is possible we  feel hopeless, stuck, and eventually leave the marriage mentally, emotionally, and often physically. The current marriage rate is at an all time low (51%) and 44% of adults under 30 believe that marriage is obsolete. And who can blame them? Looking around at their parents marriage and others, they see more downsides than benefits. Thankfully, as they mature their attitude towards marriage gets warmer. More here While traditional marriage may be on the decline, marriage has many benefits and an important role in our society, but it’s clear that it’s time for marriage to evolve. We need a new paradigm for marriage as a clear path to happiness and fulfillment, rather than shackles holding us back from living life to the fullest. When “Good” Isn’t Good Enough We need comfort and security. When our life or relationship is challenging, this becomes our goal and priority. But when our life is “good” together, then what? When we don’t move, we atrophy. Our nature is to continue evolving and the comfort and security we craved earlier can result in boredom and even unhappiness. Given our nature and the reality that things constantly change, enthusiastically embracing change and evolution as an adventure seems to be the key to happiness and fulfillment, and resisting change seems to almost guarantee eventual misery. Happiness vs. Fulfillment It’s fascinating that what made us happy before eventually becomes no longer good enough. This is because there’s a difference between “happiness” and “fulfillment.” Happiness is transient and what makes you “happy” can change from moment to moment, while “fulfillment” is about meeting deeper needs and is more lasting. But what are these deeper needs? We need to be loved, and we need to express love. We need comfort and security but we also need variety and excitement. We need meaning and purpose, even if we don’t know what that is. We need to grow and evolve, even though change is stressful and challenging. We need rest and relaxation, and we need to be active, busy and productive. Fulfillment seems to demand continuous conscious awareness, intention, effort, and learning, and there doesn’t seem to be a neat formula that says “Do THIS and you’ll live happily ever after!” Marriage is a Journey, Not a Destination With our complex needs and constant evolution it seems that how we walk together is more important than how we sit together. Being willing to take a risk seems [...]

By David Steele   Despite its historic and important role in our society, the institution of marriage is facing an existential crisis. As we write this, fewer people are tying the knot, the divorce rate is at an all-time high, and "til death do us part" is becoming a thing of the past. Rather than being associated with the freedom to experience life to the fullest, marriage is seen by more and more individuals as an obsolete anachronism holding them back from living the good life. Don't believe us? Consider this infidelity-inducing slogan aimed at bored, married couples from one of the biggest internet matchmaking websites, with over 21 million subscribers: "Life is short. Have an affair." If marriage is to be rescued from the throes of (real or perceived) obsolescence, this mindset has to change. It's evolve or die. The Paradox of Marriage Marriage is an ancient institution rich with traditions and customs. It has served as a stabilizing force in society and given us comfort and safe haven in a challenging world. Deep down, people see the inherent value of marriage and there remains a desire for it. But in today's modern culture we want to forge our own path and live our life our way. We want to pursue our own destiny. We don't want to conform to how society wants us to be and we don't want to follow some predetermined path that our parents or others expect of us. We value both tradition and choice of lifestyle. This is the paradox of marriage. On the one hand, people view marriage as wholesome and desirable. On the other hand, they see it as old fashioned. People are attracted to marriage, but they are also afraid of it. People want the companionship and partnership of marriage, but they think it means they can no longer have a fun and exciting life. Marriage Needs a Paradigm Shift To ensure the survival of one of our most important social institutions, we need a new way of looking at marriage. We need a platform from which we can stand firmly to deepen and evolve our relationship and experience life to the fullest. We need a new model of how we can leverage that foundation and security to achieve the kind of fulfillment as a couple that we couldn't possibly realize on our own. To survive and thrive, marriage needs a paradigm shift. While it's true that in today's world we want to have our own journey, follow our own path and passions, and go where our energy wants to go, it's also true that our relationship can be the greatest adventure of our life. It can be the vehicle for experiencing the excitement and fulfillment that we have always wanted, in the most inclusive way possible. What matters most is not your chosen lifestyle, but your life with whomever you choose to live it. Marriage, in our view, refers to the level of commitment; there [...]

By David Steele   The single most important relationship skill is not communication, it’s taking ownership. Successful relationships require taking ownership of your “experience.” WHAT IS YOUR “EXPERIENCE?” Your “experience” is what happens inside your body and your mind in response to events. It is composed of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Your experience is involuntary, it just “happens.” It’s neither good or bad or right or wrong. Your experience is always OK and valid. YOUR THOUGHTS We spend a lot of time in our head listening to our thoughts. Sometimes thoughts just pop into our consciousness automatically, and sometimes we direct our thoughts with intentionality to solve a problem, express ourselves, make a decision, etc. And some of our thoughts are judgments. A “judgment” is making a meaning or interpretation in response to an event (right, wrong, good, bad, theory, explanation, reasoning, logic, etc). FACTS VS. JUDGMENTS You and a friend go for a walk. You say “It’s a beautiful day.” Your friend responds “No, it sucks.” Your reaction is to be surprised. You can’t imagine how anyone could experience such a warm, sunny day to “suck.” Your impulse might be to argue with them- “Are you kidding? Look at that clear blue sky. It’s a gorgeous day!” This is a very small example of a huge dynamic that creates more relationship conflict than anything else you can imagine. So let’s take a look at this. You observe the following facts: – The sky is blue – The temperature is 76 degrees – You are walking in a park Facts are typically measureable events and can be observed through a video camera. If you poll 100 people about a fact, such as “Is the sky blue?” you will typically get almost unanimous agreement that it is blue (except from the color blind!). If you poll 100 people and ask “Is the sky pretty?”, you are asking for an opinion or judgment and will typically get less than 100% agreement. Your experience of the day is positive. You interpret the blue sky as “beautiful,” the temperature as “perfect” and “comfortable,” and your body “feels good” to get exercise by walking. These are meanings you’ve created from your experience of the facts or events. Your friend’s experience is negative. We don’t know why yet, but there are many reasons why they might judge the day to “suck.” YOU HAVE A CHOICE In the above example, you have a critically important choice to make in your response to your difference of opinion about the day- Option 1: Focus on the difference (e.g. “Are you crazy? Look at that blue sky and tell me it’s not a beautiful day!”) Option 2: Focus on curiousity, compassion (e.g. “What’s going on for you?”) The unconscious knee-jerk response is often to focus on the difference in our experiences and judgments. This choice discounts and argues with any point of view that doesn’t mirror ours and leads to conflict. It requires [...]

By David Steele What you conceive and believe, you can achieve. — Napoleon Hill (paraphrased) If Napoleon Hill is correct, this also means that what you don’t conceive or believe, you can’t achieve. As relationship coaches our clients want to live “happily ever after” and we help our clients achieve their dreams. This is cool, but there are big limits to the “dream”- You might have a desire (“love”) but not a clear idea or dream or vision for what it looks like, so you’re stuck with “what is“ You might have a clear dream, but don’t believe it’s possible or realistic, so you’re stuck with what you’ll allow yourself to have Your dream is limited to what you can conceive or envision, so you’re stuck with a narrow range of possibilities However, a good coach will help their client dream big and reach deep down to uncover and envision dreams they didn’t know they had. So there’s a “next level” to this dream stuff. This is what we’re doing with Radical Marriage– exploring what’s possible in relationships and providing strategies to go far beyond what would be most people’s dream relationship, because we can’t envision something we haven’t seen or experienced before. The Dirty Little Secret of Relationship Happiness All couples want a “good” relationship and live happily ever after together, but is “good” enough? In the past a “good” relationship was commonly defined as not having problems. In today’s world, couples seek fulfillment in their relationship and the simple absence of problems just isn’t good enough anymore. Even “good” relationships are exciting when new, then can quickly get dull and routine. Little problems of everyday living start to pile up and interfere with the closeness and intimacy we really want. But we tell ourselves that this is as close as we can get to living happily ever after, while deep down inside we’re asking ourselves, “Is this all there is?” We feel selfish, ungrateful, unfaithful, and unrealistic for wanting more for our life and relationship. Here’s a dirty little secret of relationship happiness – “good” can become suffocating if the relationship is stuck in routine and not continuing to evolve. The Journey Beyond Happily Ever After Dreaming is for sleeping, but your dreams are for living life to the fullest. But as we mentioned above, our dreams are limited to what we can conceive. A fulfilling relationship is a journey, not a destination, but most of us can’t see beyond “good,” so the journey stalls. In today’s world the bar has officially been raised and we need to look beyond “happily ever after” because we’re discovering that  “happiness” is a moving target and having a great relationship is one of life’s greatest adventures. This is new territory in the field of relationships, and since each relationship is unique, each couple’s “radical relationship” would be unique to them and they would be the pioneer of their relationship and discover uncharted territory together. We can provide them with [...]

1. Start by losing the losers If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren't right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life. 2. OK, available now? Next... are you "ready?" Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled! 3. Next, make a list of your top five "requirements" Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn't meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track. Good job. Now, let's get crystal clear about this "dating" thing: 4. If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating: Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc) Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential) Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met) Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information) Repeat as needed. That's it... nothing more, nothing less. No "trial relationships," no fun flings; just these four steps. 5. Get support Don't do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track. 6. Work it! Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you're looking and network like crazy. 7 . Be positive and happy Success breeds success and misery loves company... your choice. 8. Be the Chooser! Go after what you want and don't simply react to what or who chooses you. 9. Be assertive! If you settle for less, you'll get less. Ask for what you want and say "No" to what you don't want. 10. Live a great life NOW while you're single. "If you build it, they will come" (from the movie "Field of Dreams"). Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you're ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just "happen." Best wishes in your journey to find the love of your life and the life that you love. Copyright 2006 David Steele David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World. http://www.ConsciousDating.com. Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/David_Steele/8017 https://ezinearticles.com/?Ten-Things-You-Can-Do-Right-Now-to-Find-Your-Perfect-Mate&id=173969

My observation is that we want to be happy, but don't know how. This problem has been exacerbated by the messages in movies, television, and other influential media, that promote a consumer-oriented, immediate gratification society. We seem to feel entitled to be able to buy and get what we want with little effort on our part. We have been conditioned that happiness comes from the outside, by having enough money, the car we want, the job we want, the partner we want. Then, when we get what we want, we find that we aren't happy! Our relationships are not working because of this externalized, entitlement mindset. If we aren't happy, it is our partner's fault and the relationship isn't working for us. I believe this is part of the reason for our divorce rate. These dirty secrets of happiness are quite contrary to the messages found in the entertainment media, and I refer to them as "dirty" because many of us (consciously or unconsciously) want to believe the commercials' promises and don't want to look at the reality. Secret #1: If you want a partner, be a partner Many of us have a wonderful, romantic, vision of the life partnership we want; the reality is that great relationships require a lot of self-work and effort on your part in the relationship. If you feel like you are putting more effort into the relationship than your partner, you're probably doing it right. The good news is that you CAN live your Vision, the challenge is that the effort must come from YOU. Secret #2: The journey is the destination We tend to focus on goals and results, which works well in many areas of our life, but not so well in our relationships. Chances are, you will always be striving toward the relationship you really want, and will never "arrive". The destination of Life is Death, the awareness of which pushes us to be present in the moment, because we realize that is all we really have. Similarly, our journey with our partner is all we really have. Learning to be present with and appreciate the journey is the path to happiness. Secret #3: The journey is always longer and harder than expected We are an impatient culture that wants immediate results. While some of us have the work ethic and self-discipline for the sustained effort necessary to be successful, few of us are happy doing so. We look around and everyone else seems to get what they want so easily, and we wonder why it has to be so hard for us. Truly accepting this principle is a necessary step toward happiness. Secret #4: Have goals while letting go of outcomes While having goals and wanting results is natural, letting go of outcomes seems to be a necessary ingredient to happiness. This means being able to "go with the flow", to be flexible and creative, to view mistakes and failures as opportunities. Success and happiness [...]

By David Steele Relationship issues can generally be divided into “solvable” and “unsolvable” problems. Solvable relationship problems are generally related to your Needs. The most common relationship needs are emotional and functional. Your emotional needs are what you need to feel loved. Your functional needs are what you need for your life to work in a way that fits for you, as determined by your Vision. Needs are negotiable, and there are many ways to meet a need. However, the test for a need is that if it were not met, you would experience an issue EVERY time, so needs are very important, and are the difference between being happy or unhappy in a relationship. Unsolvable relationship problems are generally related to your requirements. Whether you know them or not, you do have non-negotiable requirements that MUST be met for a relationship to work for you. If ONE is missing the relationship will not work for you. Requirements are the relationship breakers, but we often confuse them with needs and wants, and treat them as equal. For example, a couple will argue about having children or not (which is probably a requirement for at least one partner), and will argue about who forgot to pay the gas bill (a functional need), and they both seem pretty stressful and interfere with the relationship working. The difference is that paying bills is negotiable and there are many ways to work that out, where having children is pretty non-negotiable for most people, who either want children or don’t, and if they are not in alignment they have an unsolvable problem. Here are 4 Alternatives For Solving An Unsolvable Problem: Stay in the relationship and be unhappy. Many couples stay together and are miserable for many years. This option was more prevalent in past generations. Today, most people expect and need personal fulfillment, and find it impossible to stay in a situation that doesn’t work for them after time and effort has failed to fix the problem Leave the relationship. This is the most common alternative chosen, and the reason for our high divorce rate. Let go of the problem. It is possible to simply let go of the problem. People do this when they realize the relationship is more important than their requirement, or if it is an area of growth. Requirements are core to who you are and the life and relationship you want, and it is pretty rare to be able to let go of one. An example of letting go of a requirement as an area of growth might be a partner who could not accept their partner’s weight gain, deciding to let go of needing them to be thin and accepting them the way they are. Compromise. When you compromise you give up some of what you need in order to meet in the middle. This can be a challenge with Requirements, which tend to be pretty black and white. For example, how do [...]

By David Steele The “Rule of Three” has many incarnations and applications, as a cursory Google search will reveal. In the area of relationships, you may have heard that the “third time is the charm,” and while that has certainly been true for me, I’m not recommending getting divorced twice to find your life partner. The “Rule of Three for Conscious Dating” says that when meeting someone attractive to you, it takes at least three contacts to determine mutual interest and comfort to proceed further. This is not good news for fans of “speed seduction” whose goal is to manipulate the outcome and immediately “hook up.” (OK. I see you’re excited about the idea, so go ahead and look it up in Google and continue reading when you’re ready). In the real world of singles, the most anxiety-producing situation occurs when you spot someone attractive to you that you would like to meet. This is so stressful that an entire industry caters to singles to help them with this; for a price. Save your money and use the Rule of Three. Here is an example: Let’s say you are attracted to the teller at the bank. You could flirt, deliver your best pick-up line, and ask what time he or she gets off, but you anticipate (rightly) that if they have any class they would not be comfortable with that approach. So, what do you do? Try the Rule of Three: CONTACT #1: You smile, make eye contact, introduce yourself, ask their name, make small talk, pay a compliment, anything you would do to be friendly with anyone in any setting. The purpose of this first contact is to walk away having left a positive impression. CONTACT #2: Return to bank within 24-48 hours. Now that you are on a first name basis you can start with small talk and add some personal sharing about something important to you related to your requirements such as your children, work, etc, as you would for our “Power Introduction.” Note their reaction- positive, negative or neutral. Having revealed something specific about yourself, you then ask him or her about the topic (e.g. “Do you have kids?”). You are seeking to do three things at this step: -First; discover whether you have anything in common, especially an important requirement. -Second; confirm your attraction and interest after discovering something real about this person. -Third; leave another positive impression, this time based upon something real about you. CONTACT #3: Return to bank within 24-48 hours. Now it will be like a reunion of old friends. Talk a bit further about what you have in common. Towards the end of the transaction say “I really enjoy talking with you and it seems that we have a lot in common. Would you be interested and available to meet for coffee sometime?” Notice the above is a clear statement about you, and asks about their INTEREST and AVAILABILITY. Asking in this way is typically [...]