The Importance of Self-Love

As I have been working with people over the years I have found a common thread. That thread is self-love. Many times I find that people never really developed liking themselves let alone loving themselves. So, finally a person finds someone great and they begin dating. Then it becomes about that person filling in the love they so desperately need to feel whole. Perhaps this love isn’t the appropriate love to be seeking. I find one or both of the people in the relationship needing certain things that a partner cannot give. It looks reasonable and rational on the outside, but it is really a deep seated need for the love they are missing within themselves. These are adult people now, many of which had much more attention as children, and with one parent at home in some cases. Now, with both parents having to work (in some cases 2 or 3 jobs) this is the missing link to creating and having the love you need. As I have begun to undertake this opportunity, I have found some things that can begin to help fill this gap. The first one is simply finding your passion and having it integrated into the fabric of your life whether it is music, art, a spiritual practice or a great outdoor activity. In some cases it’s changing or shifting your career all together. When you are happy and filled up in your life and are having a life you are proud of, it promotes self-love. I have seen people literally go from being completely uninterested in creating a relationship to gung ho after this step. Secondly, doing things to pamper and care for yourself. Maybe for men it is a man night a couple times a month or a cigar at the end of the week. For a woman, a spa day or a bath with her favorite book. If you are empty, it becomes challenging to be available to give to another. A third area I have found is mourning and grieving. So many times we don’t allow ourselves to mourn a loss. Losses come in every form: A failure big or small is a loss, loss of a relationship, and in some cases, a change in a relationship, and moving from one place to another. In our society there isn’t, in my experience, a lot of support for really grieving when we are sad and having a loss. I believe it is a big component that is swept under the carpet. Another area is the dialogue we have with ourselves. We often say some very cruel things to ourselves. We beat ourselves up. I find learning to create some affirmations that help to counter balance our negative self-talk can be useful. Some examples might be, “ I am beautiful in every way,” “I love who I am and I am proud of what I do,” and “I am a great and powerful person in every way.” At [...]