A 7-Step Plan for Finding Love After a Devastating Breakup

“Resilience in love means finding strength from within that you can share with others.” ~Sheryl Sandberg It took me a couple months to start repairing my broken heart after the toughest breakup of my life. I thought we were going to spend our lives together, but the gods of love had other plans. After I’d grieved in healthy (and not-so-healthy ways) I knew I could take two paths: stay stuck in my misery or pick myself up, dust off my sadness, and make a plan to move on. And now it’s time for you to move on and find love again, too. I know it’s not easy. For years I believed my ex was “the one” and the thought of finding someone new after our breakup was terrifying. But I got back on my horse and kept riding. I felt the fear of rejection, putting myself out there again, playing the “dating game,” trusting someone new, and wasting my time with people I didn’t connect with. But finding love doesn’t have to be complicated and scary if you follow a plan, just like anything else in life. You want to start your own business, take a vacation, or get out of debt? Make a plan. You want to find love? You’ve got to make a plan for that, too. If you don’t have a plan you’ll continue stumbling around in the dark hoping you’ll miraculously find true love. So if you’re struggling to find love and tired of the same old patterns leading you into the arms of the wrong people, then listen up… Step 1: Let go of your ex. Have you really let go of your ex and moved on from your breakup? If you haven’t let go, you’re not going to find love. Period. On the first date I went on after my breakup I talked about my ex. A lot. I knew I was breaking the sacred rules of first dates, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to hide my true feelings. Because the fact was I was still sad about it. It was clear to me that I wasn’t yet over the breakup. But I also understood that if I had my ex and my breakup on my mind there was never going to be room for new love to enter. Do you still have negative feelings around your breakup? Are you holding onto anger, shame, or resentment? If you want to find a new partner and true love, you’ve got to let that stuff go. Whether you’re getting over a recent breakup or a breakup that happened months or even years ago, you have to let go. How? First, stop avoiding and suppressing your negative feelings. We avoid dealing with our feelings in all sorts of ways: binge-watching television, eating, sex, alcohol, drugs, and telling people, “Everything is fine,” when we’re actually a hot mess. Instead of avoiding and suppressing, let your feelings flow through you and get [...]