“Be there. Be open. Be honest. Be kind. Be willing to listen, understand, accept, support, and forgive. This is what it means to love.” ~Lori Deschene They say your heart pounds when you’re in love. But the very idea of opening up and letting love in can bring on the wrong kind of palpitations. Saying yes to love… that’s like standing naked, bare naked, every inch of you on show. Completely vulnerable. Or so I thought. My Impregnable Force Field  “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” ~Bertrand Russell You see, I was called a few different things growing up. People said I was reserved, quiet, or shy. But in truth I was just scared to let anyone in. I felt I needed an impregnable forcefield. To stay safe. To be in control. And I needed space. Lots of it. Getting close to people, close enough to fall in love, well, that felt way too intense and personal for me back then. We didn’t do love in my family growing up. It was busy, busy, busy in our house. Everything was about practicality, working super hard, and getting things done. And done well. Adults rarely showed affection with each other—something about it being inappropriate in public, my brain remembers. We were taught not to talk about personal things. Life felt secretive and awkward. As an adult, I ached to be loved. It hurt to be so alone. It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t really know how to love. And yet, it’s supposed to be an innate trait. Even newborn babies demonstrate the instinct to love, and the need to receive love back. But in all my years growing up, love and affection felt awkward, foreign. Love seemed equally dangerous and mysterious at the same time. I learned to keep everything inside, and everyone outside. In truth, life went wrong precisely because I acted that way. I ended up alone—no lifelong friends, no love in my life. I was lost. Every day felt like an uphill struggle. And around me love bloomed, but for others, not for me. Eventually I understood that unless I made some changes, I would never know the absolute security of another’s love. I would never hear someone telling me everything would be okay. That they’d be there for me, whatever life threw my way. And I’d never be able to be there for someone else. I realized that I needed to start doing these nine things or I would never know what love is. 1. Be there. Love doesn’t grow and flourish because you dress up or make yourself up. All it needs is for you to show up, to be fully present. I used to believe soul mates were mythical creatures, as rare as unicorns, and that finding your soul mate was an honest to goodness miracle—one that happened to other people. Not true. Someone is [...]