About Sheryl Spangler

Sheryl Spangler is a Certified Relationship Coach, Certified Matchmaker and Online Dating Concierge helping mature singles prepare for and find lasting long‐term relationships – www.heartandsoulmatchmaking.com

Finding Love: How to Know When You Have It and How To Keep It

As relationship professionals, clients regularly ask us how they can tell if they are in love. If you were to ask 100 people, you would likely get 100 different answers. Attempting to define the emotion of love with words is like trying to catch water with your hands—just when you think you have articulated all there is to it, it slips through your fingers. Let’s give it a try though. Here are some of the ways love is commonly defined: infatuation, a great sexual connection, feelings of exhilaration, passion and elation, an inability to eat and sleep and concentrate, butterflies and stomach swirls. Dictionary.com defines love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. One of the more memorable definitions we’ve seen is “a little itch on the heart that you can’t scratch!” However you define love, most agree that it’s a wonderful feeling, and once they experience it, they want to keep it. So, here is our best advice on how to attract love with the right person and when you do, how to increase your chances of maintaining a loving relationship. 1) Know who you are, what’s important to you, what you must have in a relationship for it to work for you, and where you are willing to negotiate. 2) Look for people who connect with you regarding values, lifestyle, family, interests, etc. Your differences should create balance, not dissension. Keep in mind that sometimes, the very differences that initially draw you together can be the same ones that ultimately tear you apart. 3) Try not to get intimate too early in the relationship. Often a sexual relationship and strong chemistry can cloud judgment and compromise objectivity. 4) Don’t get into an exclusive relationship too quickly. There should be a period of time—a “cooling off” period—where your head has a chance to catch up with your heart. We recommend 60-90 days. 5) Slow down. If you have an overwhelming sense of urgency, you might give off an unpleasant odor of desperation. 6) Look honestly for red flags. When you find one, dig for more. Don’t close your eyes to bothersome traits and troubling issues that arise just to keep the relationship going. They will likely rear their heads again, and you will have to contend with them anyway. 7) Be authentically who you are, right from the beginning. If you try to change yourself to suit whomever you are dating, then be prepared for the consequences of that deception when the “real you” shows up, usually under stress or after the early infatuation phase quiets down a bit. If who you really are doesn’t appeal to your date, wouldn’t you rather know that right away? If you have to suppress or exaggerate personality traits, behavior, opinion or even style of dress in order to keep a person in your life, odds are great that relationship won’t last. 8) Love should be easy. If it’s too much like work, it’s not working. [...]

2020-10-05T17:15:30-07:00By |

10 Tips to Online Dating Success

During dating strategy sessions, when I ask my clients if they have ever tried online dating, I generally first hear a groan and then something like, “that doesn’t work” or “I don’t want to put my information out there.” I smile as I listen to their experiences and tell them there is a method to the online dating madness. With the help of a dating coach, you can learn how to navigate online dating and enjoy the process. Online dating should be part of every single’s dating strategy since online dating sites and apps are what I call “target rich environments.” According to the latest statistics, approximately 20% of committed relationships and 17% of marriages began online. Here are my 10 tips to online dating success: 1) Write a short, upbeat profile describing who you are and who you’re looking for. The key words here are “upbeat and short.” No one wants to read a long profile so write just enough to attract interest and make the reader want to know more. To get you started, think of 5-7 words that describe you and work those into the headline and profile narrative. Your dating profile can evolve over time. The dating process helps you get more clarity about your needs, desires, and priorities. It’s okay to update your profile once you define a new desire or dealbreaker. 2) Post 4-6 recent (within a year) flattering photos. If you don’t have any recent photos, consider having some professional lifestyle photos taken. Think of your dating photos as a collection of images that tells the story of you. In general, people are attracted to others who exude well-being. Your photos can communicate your vitality. Pick a “happy spot” under a tree, by the water or walking a path. A professional photographer can help put you in the best light and capture your “spark” in a creative way. The overall look and feel you are shooting for is warm and approachable. It’s great to include shots of you engaged in an activity: hiking, biking, golfing, tennis, sightseeing. Include at least one full body shot, something polished, as in a nice evening out, and something fun and candid. Be sure to caption the photos with date and location if applicable. 3) Define and set up search criteria and run search. Be as open as you can so that your search returns enough results. 200-300 prospects is a good number to aim for. You want enough prospects so that after sorting, you can find 3-5 a day to write. Be curious and enjoy getting to know people. In other words, embrace the adventure that is online dating. Expand your physical preferences to see what is possible. 4) Persistent, consistent activity is a must if you want to be successful online. Try to spend 30 minutes a day online. Set aside a regular period of time to check your email, run your search and read and respond to profiles that you [...]

2020-10-05T17:15:42-07:00By |

The Magic of The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction simply means “like attracts like.” Another way to look at it is “be who you want to attract”. It is a straightforward concept to grasp, but it requires practice to consistently attract what you want in any area of your life. You can accelerate the process of attracting your love match by applying the Law of Attraction to your search. Once you are aware of this universal law and how it works, you can start to use it deliberately to attract what you want into your life, including the relationship of your dreams. The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting the very people, situations, jobs, and much more that are presently in your life. And, your current thoughts are attracting what and who will be in your life in the future. Thoughts can be traced back to beliefs. Your beliefs create your thoughts, which lead to your words and actions. If you don’t like your results, look at your actions and track back. Chances are you will find that you hold a belief that is not serving you. Here’s an example. A female single has a belief that online dating doesn’t work. However, friends persuade her to try it. She really doesn’t want to, but eventually agrees. Because she doesn’t believe it will work, she doesn’t spend much time or effort on her profile or select recent flattering pictures. She writes a few people without response and notes that the only men writing her are “losers” or “scammers.” After a short time, she stops and tells her friends, “See, I told you it wouldn’t work!” She got exactly the results she believed she would. The good news is we can change our thoughts any time we want. Another female single has friends who have met great guys online. She even knew a couple who met online and got married. When she heard their stories, she couldn’t wait to try online dating. She worked hard on her profile making it fun and positive, selected some recent great pictures, and began the process. Soon, her in box was filling up with messages and she received responses to some messages that she sent. Soon she was dating, meeting great guys, and enjoying the process. To develop a positive attitude that will help you to change your negative thoughts, try spending some time writing out a list of negative or limiting beliefs you have about dating and relationships. For each limiting belief, write down a corresponding positive belief statement or affirmation, and focus on that affirmation. An affirmation is a simple statement that reshapes your beliefs and helps you move towards your life goals. For example, “Relationships are always painful in the end” becomes “When I meet the right person, my relationship will be satisfying and joyful.” To create a new belief, you must believe it to be true. If [...]

2020-10-05T17:16:09-07:00By |

Title