This world right now is a very uncertain one. The COVID crisis has made our lifestyles very unstable and caused the job market to be in a state of constant change. Negativity is consumed and advertised everywhere you look. It is hard to feel like the world has a chance of becoming a better place. Even though I am writing this about our current situation, the above statements could be written about any year. There will always be negativity, the economy will always feel rocky, and it will always feel like the world is getting worse. It can seem overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Despite the uncertainty of today’s world, you can still be optimistic about life. This doesn’t mean you should just ignore bad things and pretend they didn’t happen – it means you can choose to change your mindset about everything. Here are four ways you can become optimistic about yourself and the world you live in.   Cut Down on Using Social Media             Social Media is simultaneously one of the best and worst inventions in modern history. It has allowed us to become connected with others despite distances. It allows us to develop relationships with people that, 60 years ago, we would not have had access to. Social Media is also a lightning rod for negativity and bad feelings. It is a place where people yell at each other for unimportant topics, which leads to anger, which leads to more yelling. The first step in becoming more optimistic is by limiting your social media use. You don’t have to completely get rid of it but decreasing the amount of time you spend on social media will increase your mental health. You may not realize it, but every minute you scroll through friends and strangers arguing with each other is a minute that your brain is absorbing negative thoughts. When you stop spending time on social media, you start spending time developing real connections with people (phone calls, texts, or even Zoom calls). These relationships are better for your health and help you become more optimistic about life.   Stop Watching So Much News             I bet after reading #2, you are thinking “But how will I know what’s going on?!” I am not saying you should ignore all news media, but have you ever sat down and thought about the stories news outlets cover? Scandals Crimes Rage Watching these types of stories over and over can make you feel negative and even apathetic to the world. If all you see is negativity (and that’s what the news primarily covers, because it gets attention), then you won’t see a reason to be optimistic. When is the last time you saw a news station cover only positive/” feel good” stories? When’s the last time you watched a news show and thought “Wow, I feel much better.”? To become more optimistic, you [...]

“Not all those who wander are lost.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien   I will always remember those words. I had just decided to ditch my old life. Instead of pursuing a cushy career as a lawyer, I wanted to create a business as a freelance writer because it felt like a fulfilling thing to do. “You’ll never make it work. You’ll regret your decision,” a loved one told me. Those words pushed my buttons. I felt scared. What if I would regret it? Was I stupid, even delusional, for thinking there was an alternative to living a pre-planned life with a secure nine-to-five and a mortgage? Maybe I did think too much of myself, my abilities, and my potential? Maybe I was setting myself up for disaster? How to Find the Courage to Live a Life You Love Doubt is everywhere, isn’t it? People around you expect you to live your life in a certain way. Go to a good school, get a job that pays a comfortable salary, buy a house… And if you don’t? If you break the norm and live life differently? Whether that’s driving around the country in an RV, becoming a full-time yoga teacher in the Himalayas, or starting a passion project… Let’s put it this way. You will see a lot of raised eyebrows and hear a lot of surprised questions and doubtful side-remarks. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Comments like: “Why would you want anything other than what you already have? Don’t be so ungrateful.” “There is no way that will work out.” “Are you sure this is the best thing to do? Wouldn’t it be better to just stick to where you are now and see how it pans out?” The problem with constantly being questioned by everyone around you? Well, let’s take me as an example. When I heard those doubtful words (and many like them), I took them to heart. I subconsciously started believing them and created what in psychology is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you believe something about yourself, that influences what you do and, consequently, your results. For example, if you internalize what others say about your choices, you won’t believe you can succeed. And that means you won’t, because you’ll never even get started. But here is the good news: You can get past all that doubt. You can find the courage you have within you to not only take a step forward but also to live life fully without looking back. Here’s how:   1. Find positive examples around you. Think about someone who has succeeded at what you want to do—someone with a similar background, resources, skills, etc., or even fewer advantages. If they have succeeded, why couldn’t you? Let me tell you a secret (shh, no one else will know!): If someone else has done it, you likely can, too. I realized this early on. While, yes, the people around you might not understand how you [...]

Almost all of us want to expand our horizons and achieve our goals quickly. But it all starts with our thoughts. Negative thoughts limit our beliefs and restrict our potential. On the other hand, positive thoughts help expand it. You might have, at times, tried to transform things around you but did not get the results you expected. In this post, we discuss the basic things about positive thinking. We all see how the power of positive thoughts can change life and how you can start applying positive thinking in your daily life to see a difference.   The Power of Positive Thoughts Thinking positively does not mean you start living in a world of unicorns, ignoring the unpleasant events. Positive thoughts mean you respond to such situations in a positive way. When it comes to the manifestation of desires, our mind is the most powerful tool. It has a constant flow of thoughts. If most of these thoughts are negative, it implies that our outlook towards life is not optimistic. If a majority of our thoughts are positive, it means we are optimistic. Recent studies suggest that people should have positive thoughts and emotions. This not only makes them feel good but also transforms their lives for better. It also helps them move forward on the path towards good health, longevity and success. The power of positive thoughts is remarkable. It is true that your mind can transform your world. Happy people always think of what they want and how they can achieve it. This way, their positive attitude changes their entire life. Talking about your desires and dreams gives you a control over your life. When you think about something that makes you happy, you develop a feeling of general well-being. This way, you develop a positive attitude.   How To Develop Optimism? According to psychologists, healthy and happy people have a special characteristic that makes their lives better than others. The quality is optimism! And the good news is that you can learn to be optimistic. It is possible to learn thinking positively by adopting an optimistic mindset. The law of cause and effect works in this world. If you behave like other happy people, you also start feeling healthy and happy. If you follow people with a positive attitude, you get similar experiences and get the same results. Optimists are different from other average people as they have different ways to deal with the world. The first thing that sets them apart is focusing on what they desire and looking for ways to achieve it. Their minds are clear about their aspirations and they have confidence about accomplishing them. Another thing that defines optimists is looking for the good in every situation. Even when situations go wrong, they don’t criticize them. Instead, they say ‘This is good!’ and start looking for something good in the situation. If you try to find something good in a situation or person, you will succeed [...]

“My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.” ~Rob Hill Sr. The other day I had an interesting conversation with a friend, who asked me the question “Who is the happiest person you know?” Ask yourself this question now. It’s difficult to answer, isn’t it? There are certainly people around me who seem to be happy, but the happiest person I know? I couldn’t easily come up with an answer. The conversation with my friend proceeded with him saying, “You seem happy, but it’s so easy for you; you live in Cornwall by the sea, you work for yourself, and you have all the freedom in the world because you’re single.” It made me smile to think about how people perceive others’ lives. If you ask the next person they might say the absolute opposite: “It must be hard for you living so far away from anything, starting a heart-centered business from scratch with nothing. You must be so lonely being single and doing it all on your own.” And the truth is, all the above is true. I feel each and every variation of the above on occasions because I’m human! I think and dream just like a regular employed person, I love just like a married person, and feel and breathe just like a city dweller. We are all the same. But the conversation made me reflect on my own happiness. What does it mean to be happy? I feel the happiest I’ve ever been right now, whether I look at my life with glass-half-full or half-empty eyes. I asked myself why, and the only answer I could think of is, right now I feel authentic. I wake up each morning and my work feels like a joyful adventure, so I don’t have to drag myself through days, questioning the point of what I’m doing. Feeling complete deep down for the first time in my life soothes the loneliness of not being in a loving partnership right now, and walking the beach with my dog every morning watching the sunrise, instead of being on a packed London commuter train, makes my heart burst with happiness. This isn’t a recipe for happiness in any shape or form. These are just my things. My choices leading to the life I am creating for myself, from a place of authenticity. I have started to understand and accept that my life is up to me—my choices, my creation. The life I am living right now resulted from the choices I made before now, and yet they are no longer important; only the choices I make right now are. Right now I am free from the past but have a choice in creating my future. So often we look outward and feel trapped by things that aren’t real. For me it was my past, my CV, other people’s perceptions, my own fears, and those pesky little shoulds, from myself and others. Or we think that we’re slaves to the choices we made in the [...]

“Hold up your cup here is some positive tea that I want to pour out for you.” Some years ago, I was driving to an unfamiliar location. I put the address information into the Google navigation app on my phone and headed out in high confidence that I would get where I needed to go. But something unexpected happened. For some odd reason, the system I was depending on to give me direction failed. After a couple of U-turns and some very complicated directions from the computerized voice talking to me, I started feeling uncomfortable. I had the sense that something wasn’t right with the guidance I was receiving. I had that feeling inside that said, “You’re lost!” After a few moments of concern, I shut down the GPS app and restarted my phone. I thought to myself "maybe everything needed to be reset." For some reason, totally unknown to me, something was off in the GPS system, and resetting it was the cure. When I restarted the program, re-entered the address and began the navigation again, everything worked as it was supposed to. The reset got me back on track. It brought me out of being lost into a sure direction again. It's amazing! Where would we be without a reset feature? Have you ever thought while dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic crisis that maybe your life needs a reset right now? We need a reset button for life itself because we perpetually find ourselves all tied up in knots over some problem, or feeling entangled in situations that we have no control over. Many times in our life journey we get off track. Through the busyness of life, the influence of wrong thinking, wrong people, wrong priorities, or whatever, our internal sense of direction is confused. We end up wandering into territory we shouldn’t be in. We start listening to voices that misguide us. And before long, we have that sinking feeling that says, “You’re lost!” Some of us are lost because of the COVID-19 illness that has sadly taken so many lives. We don’t know how to be normal when an abnormal illness resides in our country. With so much uncertainty going on and injustice on the rise, we begin to take unpleasant thoughts seriously. Thoughts like, “That was a complete disaster,” “I’ll never amount to anything,” “People are idiots,” and “Things never work out,” often feel like the absolute truth- like depressing but important insights about the way things really are. It’s easy to forget that they’re just thoughts. To utter the words, “I think I need a reset,” can be scary. But what if… We do need a reset? I don’t know about you, but every now and again, I need a reset.   Here are three simple ways to hit the reset button on life!   Laughter “When you laugh, at that very moment your depression takes a back seat.” -Lyoshi Esters Sometimes, no matter how difficult life may [...]

“That girl was fat, and I hate her.”   One of my clients said this the other day—about herself. Well, her little girl self. And my heart broke. One of the very first things I do with clients is encourage them to practice self-compassion and kindness—just extending themselves the same basic human compassion and kindness that they would anyone else. Very much the opposite of what most people who struggle with weight and food are used to. After all, when it comes to our weight and food, we’re programmed with messages like “You just have to want it more, be motivated, build your willpower muscle, try harder, work harder, be better…” Perhaps to some, it may sound easy or silly, and it’s hard to understand what the hell kindness and compassion have to do with weight and food struggles when we’re so programmed to believe the opposite. Just extending yourself some basic human kindness and compassion really does end up being one of the most important things to do when you’ve struggled with weight and food for a long time. It’s also the hardest, and some struggle more than others with this simple concept. Personally, I struggled hard with it when I first started trying. I hated myself. I hated and was ashamed of every single thing about me, and didn’t think I deserved any kindness or compassion. But I knew that if I ever wanted to change the way I felt about myself, I had to figure out how to find some. So, I started picturing a little girl version of myself when I felt like I needed kindness and compassion. If I couldn’t give it to myself, I’d pull up a mental image of her and direct it that way. It worked, and it’s a trick I’ve also been using with clients since. But the other day, this woman (like many others) said, “Little girl me was fat… and… I… hate her. How am I supposed to give it to her when I hate her too?” It broke my heart, but it didn’t surprise me, and as I think about it, it makes me angry. It makes me angry because this beautiful lady wasn’t born hating herself for a little belly roll. She learned to from our stupidly broken society and has carried that belief around with her every single day since. From the time we’re old enough to make any kind of sense out of the world around us, we’re taught that fat is the enemy. Mothers have been taking their kids to Weight Watchers meetings with them to get publicly shamed for the number on a scale since they were seven or eight. We’ve been warned “Better not eat that, you don’t want to get fat, do you?” as though it was a fate worse than death, while simultaneously being taught that food fixes everything. “What’s wrong honey, you’re sad? Here, have a cookie.” “Sore throat? Here, have some ice cream.” [...]

As the rain pours and the evening draws to a close, I am swallowed by a prevailing sense of apathy that has grown for weeks in quarantine. At first, this feeling crept into my ambition. It sucked away my longing for a successful career serving humanity. Next, it slipped into my desire for affection. I found myself unmotivated to care for my body. Then it slid into my relationship with my spiritual path. I began to recoil at all outward forms of spirituality. Tonight, it edged into the fledgling pages of my book. Doubts assail me about my ability to write for healing. This apathy is like the Nothing from the Never Ending Story. It blows in as a storm and destroys everything in its path. I am gripped with fear that this Nothing will leave me empty, that I have lost my way and will never find home. In the midst of this anguish, from the power of words, a quiet voice calls out. She says that this too shall pass. She reminds me that this Nothing is merely clearing a path for Something. She says, "pray and be still." The fear releases its grip a little. I remember that rain brings renewal in her wake. Doubt and depression spring from uncertainty and we are a world unraveled. That voice, she is my soul. She whispers, "Be still and know that I am God." I will wait for the change to come. These waves of apathy are to be expected. The remedies we try are many and have varying effectiveness. When overcome by these moments, if we can cling to our inner knowing that this too shall pass, we can avoid some of the pitfalls that cause others to stumble. We can avoid the remedies that break us further. The soothing balms of drugs, alcohol, and emotional avoidance that spiral us further toward depression can be avoided.   Here are 3 tools for being still during these cresting waves of apathy: 1. Rest well and listen When we feel Nothing, it is our mind and body crying for rest. Allow yourself the grace to sink. Sink into the couch, the chair, the bed. Listen to something beautiful as you do this and your mind will lift upward, even as your body sinks down.   2. Reconnect with nature In nature, we feel our place and purpose most clear. Walk in the healing embrace of nature’s beauty. Walk slowly and without a destination. Let your movement be restful and drink in your surroundings.   3. Breathe deeply We are trained to breathe from our chest. As women, even more so, for breathing from our belly causes it to momentarily expand, God forbid! But to breathe deeply is to begin the process of healing. Place your left hand on your belly and your right hand on your side ribcage. Now, slowly and with concentration breathe in through your nose. Fill first your belly (actually your diaphragm, [...]

“Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud   How much time slips by when you’re living in the pain of resentment? Do you ever question if your bitterness has held you back from living your true destiny? Is blaming everyone else sabotaging your life and future? It’s only now that I can admit to the years I wasted pointing the finger at everyone else. It was easier for me to say it was their fault than accept responsibility for my own decisions. For me, attaining perfection was validation to my success. If it wasn’t achievable, then it was obviously someone else’s fault. Until one day, I took the time to watch the Tony Robbins’ documentary movie, Guru, for the second time. Amazing when you watch something again or read a book twice, you get something different out of it. There was a young girl struggling with the lack of love she received from her drug-addicted father. After admitting that it was her father’s love she craved the most, Tony Robbins led her to a breakthrough perspective. He told her if you are going to blame him for everything that went wrong, like not being daddy’s girl, then don’t forget to blame him for making you a strong woman too. He reminded her that she was allowed to blame him for not being around but not to forget to blame him for teaching her how to cope at such a young age. Suddenly, I felt a shift within me. I connected to the anger deep within me, and somehow it no longer felt so heavy. What was happening? Unexpectedly, I realized the pain of my resentment was actually a gift. I have carried a lot of emotional weight in my heart, some of which still remains. My heaviness is rooted in childhood memories of hurt and confusion. At the blissful age of eleven, just when I thought life was pretty safe and stable, I had the rug ripped out from underneath of me. Infidelity and unfaithfulness had crept into our home and turned everything upside down. Everything I knew faded away, as my mother threw his things around, screaming and crying. She was so emotional, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Her anger was wrapped up in sadness as she packed up all of my father’s belongings into black trash bags. One by one out the door, like little pieces of my heart that she was just bagging up and throwing out. She set them out on our front lawn, and I stood there grieving. She didn’t see the little girl in the corner crying along with her. Someone forgot the little soul who was being traumatized by these big emotions. No one stopped the chaos for a minute to realize my heart was breaking too. My memories of Christmas traditions and Saturdays at the grocery store never came back. Everything changed, and I hated this new life. From then on, everyone was always seemed [...]

“The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become.” ~Unknown   I work for a website that creates videos on lifestyle, fashion, food, travel, fitness, and more. Our channel has a massive following from all walks of life, and we receive a lot of love but also a bit of hate. Even though many people are involved in the production of a video (directors, videographers, editors), the comments, feedback, and of course the hate is usually directed at the face you see on camera, and that is the anchor—AKA me! When I started out as an anchor, I had already been modelling for a couple of years and felt comfortable in front of a camera. When videos came along, I took it up as a challenge, as an opportunity to test myself and see what I could do. Luckily for me, I really started to enjoy it. My initial videos garnered a huge response and some crossed hundreds of thousands of views. I was slightly intimidated but on a high as well because of how well they seemed to be doing. But slowly, as I grew into my role as an anchor, I realized that there was a whole other side to being in the public eye that I never knew about. For me, being on camera meant putting forth a good performance and getting appreciation or criticism on it. I believe that each one of us has the capability to deal with constructive criticism; we all want to grow, we all want to improve, don’t we? The problem starts when the criticism loses its perspective and becomes destructive and downright hurtful. One fine day, after the release of my latest video, I sat at home scrolling through the comments section and came across a really mean comment. It stung me. And I couldn’t help myself. I went down the rabbit hole of reading all my videos’ comments and found tons of negative ones. It was one of the lowest moments of my life. And oh, people are creative! The comments weren’t simply restricted to whether or not I was doing a good job as an anchor. They covered everything from shaming my body to even threats of physical harm. It close to shattered me to see all these mean things written about me by total strangers. Now, I know that we don’t all have to face the same amount of hate that people in media do. But in today’s age of social media, each one of us has dealt with some negativity on our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. And as someone who has dealt with a lot of it, I feel strongly about this! Below are a few things I did to deal with this trolling that really helped me out. I hope a few of these pointers can help you deal with hate when it comes at you! 1. Know your haters. The kind of comments a person [...]

“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” ~Eckhart Tolle   As a special-needs parent, it feels that I am in constant anger and fight mode. I am fighting with my children on the home front. I am fighting for their right to get access to services. I am fighting for their acceptance. I am fighting for my children to help them make progress. To be in constant fight mode can be overwhelming and exhausting. In my weakness, I let my emotions get the best of me. I lose my temper with my loved ones.   The One Thing I Regret Saying to My Daughter A particular incident that took place many years ago stands out in my mind to this date. The principal of my daughter’s school told me she was causing lots of problems there. Her behavior was disturbing her classmates, and many parents had complaints about it. “We feel that this school is not suitable for her and it would be best to find her another school,” said the principal. I fought with the school to let her stay. This was the third school we had to fight for her acceptance. I felt that I was coming to another dead end. After that meeting, I headed home and was greeted with an onslaught of screaming and shouting children. Adding to that chaos, my daughter with autism poured out the contents of every toiletry bottle she could find into the bathtub. It is incredible how much children can do given one minute unsupervised. At that very moment, I snapped and yelled. “What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?” “Why are you always wrecking the house?” “Why can’t I have a moment of peace without you causing any trouble?” “I did not sign up for this!”  “I don’t want you!” My daughter with little communication skills stood frozen. I saw fear in her eyes. She felt every ounce of anger I had in me then.   Why Yelling Further Delays a Child’s Development When children misbehave, yelling at them seems like a natural response. We feel that when we yell at them, we get their attention, we are disciplining them. None of us likes to be yelled at. When we yell at our children, they are more likely to shut down instead of listening. That is not a good way to communicate. For children on the spectrum, yelling can be particularly detrimental, as it may result in them retreating into their own world and not engaging with other people even more. The more we connect and engage with them, the more they can thrive and grow. Hence, yelling can never be a means to “discipline” them regardless of how stressful and frustrated we may feel at that moment.   Not Yelling—Easier Said Than Done Trust me. No one understands this more than I do. When you are stressed and frustrated, releasing all that pent-up emotion seems like the only solution. [...]

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” ~John Muir   Somewhere, stashed away in my collection of childhood memories, I recall having this small deck of cards with random, uplifting activities on them. I don’t remember how they journeyed my way, and I don’t remember them staying around for long, but I do remember that just reading through them was uplifting. It’s interesting, the things that our minds choose to file away—and while I’m a little intrigued that these cards earned a spot, I’m not surprised, at all, that memories of entire days spent out in the woods near our home, as a child, are firmly rooted. It felt as though there were magical secrets hanging from every tree branch and tucked away, at every step, along the forest floor. Throughout the years, I don’t know that I’ve ever felt as content as I do when I’m muddying up a pair of hiking boots. Tuning in to the natural world around us and feeling at ease go hand-in-hand. This is a simple truth that most of us are intrinsically aware of and are intuitively pulled toward, yet as more and more of our natural landscape is forced to concede to pavement and buildings, our stretches of mingling with untouched fields and forests become fewer. The natural world offers a quick and reliable way to effectively manage anxiety, depression and stress-related conditions. In a world that seems increasingly focused on technological routine and gadgetry, basking in the gentle and balancing support that radiates from and within our natural world might seem too simple—and, as a result, may not always be taken seriously as an effective stress-managing solution. Even if we don’t step outside our back door to acres of countryside, we can integrate the benefits that time with nature offers through seeking out pockets of less-cultivated ground during our daily routines. A stroll through a park on the way to work or eating lunch outside can quickly instill a worthwhile sense of peace and tranquility. Aside from our own intuitive awareness, there is much research pointing to the restorative effects of nature—for both our minds and our bodies. It has a quick way of moving through busy, ongoing internal chatter and shape-shifting our thoughts and perspectives. Watching animals collect food along the ground or listening to the rain or birds can immediately shift us into a meditative space. These experiences offer us a chance to connect, in a whole-body way, to the ebb and flow of our entire natural world—to simultaneously become aware of our presence and lose ourselves within this same energetic rhythm. The natural world is in a constant state of change. It brings light to our own dynamic life happenings and gifts the opportunity, regardless of our individual struggles or situations, to just be. Calm and connected. Thinking back to that deck of cards from my [...]

“My life isn’t perfect, but it does have perfect moments.” ~Unknown   Practice was over, the hot Florida sun was settling in behind the tall bleachers, casting golden rays onto the track. Behind me was my dear school, engulfed in beautiful palm trees. “California Girls” was playing through the speakers, and I was laughing with friends at something a teammate said. There, I realized how truly alive I felt in that moment. It was seemingly picture perfect in every way. A couple years ago I could only imagine being on this team, going to such a great school, and living in such a beautiful place as sunny Florida. Growing up as an immigrant child in the United States comes with a lot of uncertainty and oftentimes, worries, as you never know what lies ahead. But through all the uncertainties stood my beautiful family, always my rock through every situation. And now, standing on the crimson-red track, I understood why my family had sacrificed so much to be here. I maybe would have never gotten to attend an American high school and to participate in a sport I love so much, or to feel as free anywhere else. After fearing political persecution back in my home country of Kazakhstan, we were blessed to have a new beginning in America. I realized in that moment how wonderful it is to be living this life and how a seemingly ordinary moment can be taken for granted. Life is composed of countless moments worth living for, strung together by the seemingly mundane stretches in between. The moments, when all the chaos freezes, the outside noises die down, and you realize that you are living the dream you could once only pray for, it’s much like a cinematic fragment of a Hollywood movie—everything is still but the beat of your own heart and you feel nothing less than alive. Could it be that these glimpses often pass by us unnoticed, while we’re busy living in the thresholds of our complex minds and endless woes? As soon as we deal with one of life’s issues, it seems another is ready to spring into our mind leaving us in a rat race for happiness. We’re always chasing happiness, as if it’s something complicated and hard to find. Just Google books on happiness or success and I guarantee you’ll be occupied for a while. But happiness isn’t something we can permanently attain. It’s much like a fleeting wind—one moment it’s here, and another, it’s far gone. It seems to me that everything we do is driven by the desire to be happy. But what are we really looking for? Does his wish for a new car stem from the desire to have autocracy over a heap of metal, or the desire to feel free as he cruises along the coast reminiscing on his youthful years? Does she really wish for a new phone, or does she simply desire to feel respected by her [...]