The words are nearly falling from your lips, but saying “l love you” for the very first time is tricky. You may be unsure if the feeling is mutual, if it’s too soon to share such an important message, or whether or not it is truly love that you’re experiencing. Only you know what’s in your heart, but expressing it can lead to anything from embarrassment to exhilaration. You feel the butterflies batting away in your belly, your mind is always preoccupied, and when you are with your significant other, you’re in a state of bliss. It’s a beautiful thing, but is it love? Could be. The right time to say “I love you” is different for everyone, but certain principles apply universally. Before you blurt it out, be sure you’re ready, and prepared for whatever reaction will follow. You’re taking a chance, but it’s worth it, especially if the person you’re in love with loves you just the same.   Infatuation or The Real Deal? Is your attraction more than skin deep? And even if you adore your significant other’s personality, are you simply smitten or struck by Cupid? Sometimes, it can be hard to tell if you’re head over heels or if your heart is really in it. If you think you’re at the love stage, consider all facets of the relationship, your significant other’s attributes and attitude, and where you see the relationship going. If it’s just a fling, forget about saying, “I love you.” It’s premature, and probably a surefire way to end the relationship abruptly. However, if you have deep feelings that hit at all your emotions and engage your soul with happiness, love may be where you’re at.   A Private Moment The very first time you say, “I love you” will be meaningful and memorable. Make the moment special by being alone and intimate. The last thing you want to do is shout it out at a crowded bar or in front of others, which can be awkward, to say the least. Find a place that’s private, look into their eyes, and reveal your truth. Your heart will pour out honesty, as they take it in and process your profession. You may get an “I love you too!” in return, which would be the ultimate response, but don’t go in expecting to hear those words. Some people need some time to take it in and figure out how they feel. Don’t be discouraged or regretful, as your sentiment will mark a serious step in your relationship.   On the Other Hand… Sometimes, overthinking can drive you nuts. If you think you’re in love, shout it out from the rooftops. Life is short, and if you think you’ve found “the one,” they ought to know it. While this approach may be risky, if you’re the impulsive type, you’re willing to lay it all out on the table. That said, hopefully you don’t fall in love too easily. One Tinder [...]

Being single is nothing to sneeze at. You have your freedom and plenty of time to focus on yourself. That said, there’s something special about being part of a pair. You go out on dinner dates, watch movies together, stay up all night talking, and naturally, there’s the romantic side of things. You have someone to turn to and lean on, and you don’t worry about being alone. It’s a comforting feeling that’s easy to get used to. As for the singles, the “me time” is immeasurable, but there can be a sense of loneliness that casts a shadow over the whole independence thing. This feeling of isolation becomes even greater when friends are coupled up and canoodling while you’re the third wheel that would rather stay home than deal with an awkward dynamic. A feeling of emptiness may overwhelm you as you become an outcast among your group. They may still love you all the same, but they’ve got their own priorities, part of which is keeping the magic alive in their own relationship. Before you brand yourself a future “cat lady,” realize although you may feel lonely, you’re not alone…unless you want to be. You can combat loneliness by living your life to the fullest, even if you’re not in a relationship at the moment. These three ways to combat loneliness will get you in touch with your soul and spirit. Cherish yourself and the many charms that make you unique. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and say “Yes!” to being single. You’ve got so much going for you, so don’t give up or give in.   A Family Affair Family members share a special bond that can’t be broken. Connect with those family members you especially enjoy being around, even if you can’t meet in person right now. Text, call, FaceTime, or Zoom. Chat about everyday happenings as well as the big picture. Whether it has been a while or you’re quite close, it’s always nice to know that your family is there for you. Perhaps there’s no one in your family you’d care to communicate with. Instead, reach out to old friends and classmates, co-workers, and neighbors. Just like you, they’d love to have someone to talk to or meet up with to socialize, single or not.   Pet Project There’s no time like the present to adopt a pet. Loving companions need a good home, and you can provide a safe space for a new furry friend. Having a pet is a great responsibility, but the rewards pay back by the billions. You can focus your energy on playing and petting, lots of snuggles, and perhaps some slobber. Long walks, unconditional love, and a best friend by your side will make you feel less alone.   Dive into Work, Hobbies, School, Etc. Use your single status to your advantage by becoming extra-productive. Get ahead on work projects, school assignments, volunteering, and household odds and ends. You can pick up a [...]

There are some happy couples who stay together for 20 years and more. Then there are couples who last only 5 minutes together because of a Facebook post. Makes you wonder why can’t a couple in a relationship stay together for years nowadays. I'm sure you're not the only one who questions  the secrets of happy couples who stay married for years? This post will give you the insight of many healthy and happy relationships lasting 20 years!   Happy Couples Secret 1: Trust Sure there's a temptation to go through your partner’s phone as they sleep next to you. Before you put your detective hat on, stop yourself. It’s not worth fighting over what’s on their phone. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. Every time you want to snoop around, think of this old saying. Besides you have to trust your partner. You can’t build a relationship if there’s no trust.   Happy Couples Secret 2: Communication When you and your partner get into a fight what happens? Do you both runoff and swear to never talk to each other ever again? If you want to make your relationship work, then you have to learn how to communicate. Let’s not forget that active listening skills are a part of communication too. Take the time to listen to what your partner is saying to you. Don’t wait until an argument to use your active listening skills. Your partner will tell you what they want from you if you take the time to listen through everyday conversation.   Happy Couples Secret 3: Affection Showing affection to your partner is as important as communicating. How else do you think happy couples stay in love? Affection doesn’t have to be sexual. Unhappy couples think all physical touches have to lend to sex and when there’s no they avoid it. Happy couples know affection is a must! Snuggle Kiss on the check Rub on the shoulders Communicate and listen Let them know they were on your mind Holding hands Simple actions like these are a great way to show affection if you don't know-how. Happy couples know showing affection creates a sense of harmony.  It’s the little things that matter the most.   Happy Couples Secret 4: Respect Happy couples respect their partner’s space and them as a person.  Treat your partner how you would like to be. Think about it, don’t you want someone who: Listen to your needs and wants Communicate openly to you Speak kindly of you Help build your self-esteem up This is how respect looks like in a healthy relationship. Respect your partner and don’t take them for granted.   Happy Couples Secret 5: Own Identity Spending 24/ 7  with your loved one is a bad idea. You need some time apart and your separate identity. It’s ok to share common interests and views together. This is what made you and your partner close. Though you should have a hobby, friend, or family member separate [...]

Being in a relationship means you always have a special someone to spend time with. Whether it’s a weekend date night or just vegging out on the couch cuddling, the together time is important for bonding and keeping the romance alive. That said, too much togetherness is not always ideal. You do not have to be joined at the hip to have a good relationship; in fact, time apart can strengthen a couple. Solo time gives each person some personal space to do their own thing, focus on themselves, and embrace their independence. When a relationship has a good foundation and there is two-way trust, away time won’t compromise their “couplehood,” and when they reconnect, things fall right back into place.   Time to Myself I adore my significant other, but I also look forward to time alone. It has nothing to do with my adoration for this amazing person, and the feeling is mutual. I covet the time when I do not have to compromise, so I can get some extra work done, exercise, read a good book, binge-watch one of my guilty pleasures, run errands, or just flop on my favorite chair with a cup of hot tea. I know my partner isn’t particularly interested in doing these things anyhow, so it works in both our favors.   Getting to Know Me By now, I have a pretty strong sense of the woman I am and what I want to achieve, both personally and professionally. I am confident, creative, and caring, but my curiosity is always creeping in. When I am alone, I have quiet time to reach inside and learn more about myself, helping me become a better person – not only for myself, but for my partner as well. When we are constantly with someone else, our identities can become blended. That’s great as far as who we are as a couple, but we are also individuals with unique attributes and personality traits. Keeping these identities separate makes us more interesting as people and as a pair.   Decompress Although I feel completely at ease with my partner, there is a sense of being “on” when we are together. It is far from stressful, but sometimes I just want to “be.” When I spend time solo, I can simply sit there and do absolutely nothing. I do not have to say a word or move a muscle. This helps me tremendously with releasing the day’s built-up tension and helps me relax and recharge. I often meditate and get my mind off things. It gives me clarity and contentment. Once I am back together with my partner, I am in a much better place.   Go solo and see how it impacts your relationship. Whether it’s just a few hours or even a couple of days, do what benefits your relationship without worrying about what other people think. Solo time works for me, and my partner is 100% on board. When we [...]

Dating after a divorce is like hearing nails on a chalkboard repeatedly. It’s a whole unknown world when entering the dating scene after being married for years. Many who step into this unchartered territory may be holding onto anger, sadness, or even feelings for their ex.  All these mixed emotions make you wonder, “How long should I wait to date after a divorce?” Honestly, it’s best to hold off on dating again until you’ve healed from your wounds of the divorce. You don’t want to bring in old problems into a new relationship. If you’re struggling to find love again after a divorce, follow these tips to help you enter the dating world.   1.     Reflect on Your Last Relationship Somewhere within your last relationship, something went wrong.  Neither partner is ever perfect in a relationship.  We are all human and we make mistakes. The point is to work on yourself to become a better you. Post-divorce is the perfect time to work on self-improvement. Take the time to ask yourself these questions to help you reflect: Why am I so angry about the ending of the relationship? Where did I go wrong in the relationship? How did I react when my partner had a problem? Did I let my traumas cause drama within the relationship? Did I let family and friends get involved with our problems? Journal these questions to gain a starting point on reflecting your past relationship.   2.     Start a Self-Love Journey Wondering why it’s hard to date after a divorce? It could be because of you not giving yourself a chance to love yourself. Focus on self-love before searching for love elsewhere. This is a good time to work through your inner trauma. Often after divorces, we hold a lot of pain and anger. Let go of your anger before jumping into another relationship. If you don’t, then you’re letting your old problems enter a new relationship and that’s unhealthy!  Give yourself a chance to grow and love you. How can you give love when you don’t fully love yourself?   3.     Know Dating After a Divorce with Kids Is Tough Dating after a divorce is already nerve-wracking. And adding kids into the equation can make it even more stressful.  You want someone who will love you and your kids fully. Luckily, we live in a time where it’s normal to date after a divorce with kids, though t’s hard to trust other people around your kids.  Also, your kids may not take fondly of you dating someone new. Follow these tips when dating after a divorce with kids Take everything slow No early introduction Have a talk with your kids on you dating someone new Discuss with your new partner how they feel about dating someone with kids. Tell your partner your children come before anyone else and you can’t continue a relationship if they don’t accept this.   4.     Try Dating Apps and Sites Meant for Single Parents [...]

You’ve been dating for a while and you’re wondering where this is going to go. Are you on the same page or playing it day by day? Being in a relationship can be a bumpy road, but the rewards a great one brings is worth the ride. If you’re ready for more than a just a fling and see a real future, it’s time to step up to the plate and plan for what’s to come. Is this relationship a home run or will you strike out? These telltale signs that your relationship is getting serious will help you determine where you stand and if you may be headed toward happily ever after.   1. No Games The start of many relationships involves beating around the bush, playing hard to get, and leaving one another confused, yet captivated. It’s all part of the “game,” where each party plays it cool and keeps it casual. After the back-and-forth flirting becomes something more solid, the games are replaced by genuine feelings and honest conversations. If your relationship doesn’t involve unanswered texts, no-shows, and pics with random “just friends” on social media, it’s a great sign that your relationship is well past the game phase. You’re into each other and want to keep it that way. You don’t question their intentions or fear you’ll catch them in a compromising situation. Straightforward has replaced silliness, and you’re getting serious.   2. Circle Of Friends Once you’ve introduced your significant other to your besties, and vice-versa, it’s a great sign that the relationship is the real deal. You seek approval from the people you care about the most, plus you want to show off your special person to your pals. If everyone gets along and the vibe is comfortable, it’s reassuring for the whole group. After all, your significant other will hopefully be around for the long run, so it’s important that they can chill with your crowd without any awkwardness. You want to blend in with their crew too, and the closer you are with your partner, the more at ease you’ll feel with their friends. Next step…family!   3. There’s More “We” Than “Me” When you were single, it was all about your life, and you lived it to cater to your personal desires. That’s perfectly acceptable and admirable. Now that you have a person you’re paired with, your thought process has moved from “you” to “two.” When you actually prefer planning and doing as a couple, it’s a clear sign that you’ve reached a major milestone. Whether it’s weekend dinner plans or even a job move, you factor in the relationship above all else. Same goes for your significant other, who wouldn’t even dare watch something on Netflix without you “chilling” right beside them.   4. You Can’t Imagine Life Without Them When you look into the future, do you see yourself with this person? Be it next month or when you’re old and gray, if you [...]

Have you found “the one,” or the wrong one? Sometimes, it’s not as easy as it seems to realize if your guy is good for you or simply a mismatch…even a mistake. If you are having doubts, you’re already on edge, and understandably so. No one wants to think negatively about someone they’re seeing, but in the search for romance, things can get blurry. When everything is picture perfect, there’s no need to fret. Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, so don’t get bent out of shape if you have an off day. Chalk it up to learning and growing, and get back on track stronger than before. That said, if you have more “off” moments than you’d like to admit, there’s a chance that he’s not the right man…at least not for you. As attracted as you may be, along with the fun and flirtation that keeps you on your toes, when there’s a missing puzzle piece, the relationship can never be complete. Every relationship is unique. What works for you won’t work for someone else. You know yourself best, and you have the intuition to determine if the one you’re with is “Mr. Right.” However, a little guidance goes a long way. Any “What ifs?” shouldn’t be ignored, so see if any of these signs apply to your situation.   He Doesn’t Put You First When you’re #1, you know it. You are treated like the queen you are, and you deserve it. Any man who doesn’t go above and beyond for you isn’t good enough. But before you put him on blast, realize this doesn’t mean you’re his top priority 24/7. He has a job, perhaps children, and other important things to tend to, as responsibility is essential. Be grateful that your man is mature and makes time for these must-dos. He may be busy, but he has time for you. You’re his main focus, even when he’s occupied with a zillion other things. If he’s late at work, a quick text is all it takes to let you know you’re on his mind. When he’s with family, he can FaceTime you so you can all say hello. While he’s away, a bouquet of flowers sent to your doorstep is just a computer click away. There are plenty of ways to put you first, even when he’s frazzled. If you get the feeling like he has forgotten about you, then he’s not managing his time or priorities.   He’s Hiding Something Does your man run off to another room whenever his phone buzzes? Why can’t you use his laptop? Have you met any of his friends or family members? Something’s shady when your guy is secretive or sneaky. Honesty is at the core of any successful relationship. If you can’t trust your man, you truly have nothing…at least not anything of substance. While he doesn’t have to share everything with you, he shouldn’t lie or hide anything either. Opening [...]

Breakups can be brutal, whether it was a mutual decision, you did the “dumping,” or you were blindsided by your former significant other’s change of heart. After being with someone special, finding yourself single is new territory to tackle. It may have been a relatively short relationship or one that lasted for years, but your new status will take some time to get used to. Moving on is essential, and everyone goes at their own pace. Getting over the initial slump and slowly finding a “new normal” outside the comfort of a relationship will be a mountain to climb, so taking it bit by bit will get you back into your groove. These tools can aid you in embracing your newly single self, allowing you to take what you’ve learned from the past and apply it as you step into this new phase. Mostly, it’s all about how you manage your emotions and behaviors, making sure they’re in your own best interest as you get over the loss and live your life to the fullest into the future.   Talk with Someone You Trust Keeping your feelings bottled up inside won’t make them disappear. Eventually, they’ll boil over and you’ll feel broken. You don’t have to do this alone. Share your thoughts with a close friend or family member, one who has your back, but won’t sugarcoat the truth. You need a sounding board, but guidance and advice are just as important. Be raw and vulnerable, and don’t worry about seeming weak or confused. A true companion will be a shoulder to cry on and an uplifting force. If you don’t have someone you’re close with and you need to let it out, a therapist can get you through this rough patch.   No Social Media “Stalking” Unless you part as friends, it’s a good idea to “unfollow” and “unfriend” your ex. The last thing you need to do is see photos of their whereabouts, who they’re spending time with, and so forth. You’re sure to interpret things incorrectly, further adding to your already unstable state. Do yourself a favor and you’ll soon forget about them. Ask your friends to do the same, so they don’t have any information they may accidentally (or purposefully) spill. Time off from social media in general is probably a positive thing anyhow post-breakup. It gives you more time to reflect and look within, rather than scrolling mindlessly to mask your pain.   Embrace The “Me Time” Now that you’re solo, use the time alone to your advantage. You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs for the time being, so make “me time” your main priority. Get a massage. Exercise more. Go out for brunch…yes, by yourself. Soak in a relaxing bubble bath and listen to music as you sip a glass of bubbly. Whatever makes you feel soothed and stress-free should be your go-to activity, ASAP.   Hang Out with Friends When you’re in a relationship, so [...]

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”~Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island.   Have you ever noticed how with certain couples love and affection flow so naturally? Indeed, almost effortlessly. There is a good reason for this. These couples have learned to accept one another as they are, which leads to greater intimacy and a more vibrant love flow. When we don’t accept our loved one for who and how they are—quirks, idiosyncrasies, annoying habits, and all—we are communicating to them that they are not good enough. That they fall short. Who wants to feel that—particularly in matters of the heart? Simply put, when you don’t accept your loved one as they are, it dampens the love flow. Even porcupines know this! With thousands of quills attached to their body, they know that they must pull them in and touch paws, if they want to have a “close” relationship. If porcupines manage to find ways to “accept” their “loved” ones, quills and all, shouldn’t we be able to as well? Below are some key practices and mind-sets that will go a long way toward achieving that.   Don’t Try to Change Your Loved One When you try to change another, you are not accepting them. Yet many of us constantly try to change our loved ones’ traits and habits or opine and advise what they should do differently. Myself included! I like neatness and order in our home, but it’s very difficult for my dear, loving wife to get rid of things, and clutter constantly piles up in our garage. In the early years of our marriage, I constantly tried to get her to dispose of unused items in our garage. I complained, pleaded, and even cajoled. She paid lip service to me for a while and removed some clutter, only to have it reappear days later. When I continued harping, I was quickly met with, “You try taking care of the kids, doing the shopping, doing the laundry… and keeping the garage neat!” Not exactly a recipe for a loving relationship! I eventually realized that I was powerless over changing her ways, and that my continually trying to do so impacted our love bond. As I began accepting my wife for who and how she was—clutter and all—it enhanced the love flow. Our bond is stronger than ever today. Moreover, my acceptance brought me an unexpected gift. It allowed me to reflect on why (and when) I was so easily disheveled by clutter. I discovered it was almost always tied to my feeling anxious and stressed, usually about work or finances, or not being productive, or some general malaise. Addressing these “personal truths” brought me peace of mind, and my wife’s clutter no longer bothered me. Simply put, it was about me, not her! It [...]

It can be said dating is a way to figure out all the things you don’t want in a partner. And if you want to find the right person, that’s exactly what you need to do. However, it’s equally important to know yourself because that’s the only way you will truly know if they’re ‘right’ for you. Read on for some sure-fire tips to finding, and choosing, the right person for you.   Is it lust or love? First and foremost, you need to work out whether you have a genuine connection with the person you’re seeing. If it’s based in a raw, sexual attraction that doesn’t see you guys stretch much further than the bedroom, you may be in lust. Attraction is important in a relationship, but is not what sustains one. Attraction and infatuation fade, but a real connection doesn’t.   Identify your needs Sure, we all have a mental list of traits or attributes we want to find in a partner. Looks, money, lifestyle, and travel are all great things to have, but they aren’t wholly necessary. Living a lavish lifestyle won’t determine whether you’re treated right or are compatible with your partner. So, focus on the important things; what are their values and core beliefs? How do they think and act as a partner? How do they make you feel in the bigger picture? Working out those things are the best indication of whether this is someone you can build a future with.   Don’t give in to fear or convenience You should value your single-ness. We know that sounds weird. We’re telling you how to find the right person right? But go with it. When you’re happy in yourself and your life, when you meet someone, they’ll be a welcome bonus to your already full life. Choosing to be with someone out of fear or convenience because you don’t want to be alone is not the way to find the right person. It just means you’ll be with whoever happens to show you some attention. If you’re truly committed to finding the right person, you won’t settle.   Find someone you can be you around Lastly, the right person for you is the one who you can be yourself around. And we mean truly be yourself around. Your unapologetic, unfiltered self, flaws and all. Being with someone who truly accepts you is one of the most freeing feelings in the world, and will allow you to build a solid, trusting relationship with them. And as much as you should be able to be yourself, your partner should feel equally as accepted. Being your authentic selves will allow you to make genuine connections and support each other in the best way possible. These are just a few tips for finding the right person for you, and there are many other factors that determine your choice of partner. But as long as you trust your intuition, be positive, and be yourself, you [...]

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in my life is to risk nothing.” ~Leo Buscaglia It was the day after my boyfriend proposed and I felt sick with anxiety. I couldn’t understand this feeling. I loved my boyfriend; we were living together, and I didn’t want to break up with him, so why was I so anxious? I googled furiously in search of answers. I worried this was a sign that the relationship wasn’t ‘right,’ and this made me feel even more anxious. I worried that it was my gut instincts speaking to me and I would regret it if I didn’t listen. But there was another part of me that didn’t want to leave the relationship. That was very confusing. “Maybe I am just afraid to be alone,” I thought. However, as someone with a tendency toward anxiety I also wondered if this was just another expression of that. Finally, after about a month of sleepless nights, worrying, and googling, I came across a forum that mentioned relationship obsessive compulsive disorder (ROCD) or relationship anxiety. What is ROCD? “Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in which the sufferer experiences intrusive, unwanted, and distressing thoughts about the strength, quality, and ‘true nature’ of their love for their partner. Obsessions in ROCD include a preoccupation with a partner’s appropriateness as a mate, overall level of attractiveness, sexual desirability, or long-term compatibility, and often arise in otherwise entirely healthy relationships.” (Center for OCD Los Angeles) It gave me a huge sense of relief to know that what I was experiencing was indeed anxiety-related and I didn’t need to leave my lovely fiancé. I took a relationship anxiety course and it was of enormous help to me. I learned so much about myself and am now able to enjoy my relationship again. I want to share what I learned in the hope that it will help someone else. The Difference Between Anxiety and Gut Instincts My main concern before and after learning about ROCD was “What if this is actually my gut instincts telling me that I need to leave?” This is a scary question, and a very common one for sufferers of ROCD. There is also no definitive way of answering this question, which is frustrating. Anxiety hates uncertainty. One thing that helped me was to remind myself that I have worried obsessively about lots of things for most of my life. For instance, when I was single, I wanted to know with absolute certainty that I would meet someone and be happily married one day. I would seek reassurance from friends and family and worry about it endlessly. This anxiety felt similar to that. If I’d worried unnecessarily in the past, it stood to reason I could be doing the same thing in my relationship. Fear of Conflict [...]

What are your values? Down through the ages, many have said honesty, loyalty, justice, fairness, mercy, and bravery.  I concur, however I believe that in this new decade we need not to forget the value of love. That raises some important questions. Is love a value? Does love belong in the same category as these other values? A value is a characteristic of merit to which we can live by. So, can we live by love?   “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.” — Lao Tzu   Based on the current events that are happening in the world, like me, you probably also feel like the future is uncertain and that the world is quickly turning into a very sad place. With rumors of war, hate, and unfairness happening, we feel powerless sometimes not knowing what to do to help stop these things from coming to pass in the scary world that we live in. However, I believe we as humans have forgotten that one thing that can heal the brokenness of this world, love. Love is the value that makes our relationships better. Love means I can be kind, caring, and understanding. Spreading love in your own way will get us one step closer to unity throughout mankind. It would make it a more positive and livable place for our children. It doesn’t have to be too great or too big, it can be as small as expressing gratitude to your friends and family, or helping out a stranger whenever they need a helping hand. Donate your clothes you no longer wear. Say “thank you” more. Make an extra lunch for a homeless person. In conclusion, in today’s society we are overloaded with messages that admonish us to put “me” first. As a consequence, we forget that the point of having the value of love is to spread it to others. When you spread the love, the love comes back to you many times over through loving relationships. If we can all come together and do our small part each day in spreading the value of love, we can leave this world knowing that we have created a positive place for our children to enjoy without any fear or sadness. So, can we live by love? I say, YES, WE CAN!