How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
Have you ever met someone – someone who has the potential to be The One – but they live in a different state? Is it worth pursuing? You fear it might not work, but also wonder what to do if it does… and you find yourself in love with a mate in another state. Do long distance relationships work?
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 7 years now. We try to see each other at least twice a month, even though I am based in California and his home is in Texas. It takes work, but we are very happy together. I am proof positive that you can have a solid relationship filled with love, fun, comfort, support and trust at the core (and some extra frequent flier miles to boot!). Here are some tips on how to make it work.
Getting to Know You
Although there are some disadvantages, there are actually some advantages, especially when a relationship is in the early stages. Sometimes first dates can feel like awkward interviews. The longer distance allows you to take your time getting to know one another. As you stay in touch, you can learn each other’s like and dislikes, hobbies and interests, family history, and share anecdotal experiences as things come up organically, without anything feeling forced.
Let’s Get Serious
Dating is hard at any age or stage in life. You always wonder if the other person is serious, in it for the long haul, and without ulterior motives. If you are not in the same city and your mate is willing to put the time into getting to know you and stays in touch, it is more likely that you are building on something real.
Make the Connection
The basis of any relationship is a connection or commonality with another person. You should share common interests, values or perspectives. A real connection contributes to your ability to sustain the relationship, especially if you don’t see each other all the time. If the connection is physical make sure it’s mutual. You have to have the hots for each other.
Stay in Touch
Send thoughtful text messages throughout the day. Let your partner know that you’re thinking about them, miss them, and are concerned about their happiness and well-being. When you talk, be sure to ask “How was your day?” Listen to what they say and ask questions. Be attentive. Throw in a sexy text or cute photo from time to time share your experiences and keep the chemistry alive.
Seeing is Believing
Don’t just text and call regularly. Schedule video calls so you can see each other. Schedule date nights and learn how to use Facetime, Skype or Tango. You can even watch your favorite TV shows together. Be camera ready. Surprise your partner every now and then by wearing something sexy. You may not be able to wake up together, but you can be the last thing on each other’s minds when you go to sleep.
Save the Date
Always have a physical date plan to meet in person. It may not be as soon or convenient as you would like, but it has to be. When you’re apart for a long time, you need something to look forward to. No matter how strong your connection, nothing beats physical contact and intimacy with the one you love.
Call when you say you will call. Return calls and texts as soon as you can. Long distance relationships can cause the mind to imagine scenarios that may or may not exist when a partner can’t be reached. Set rules for the relationship and don’t break them or lie. Once the trust is broken, it’s hard to get back, especially from a distance.
Slow Your Roll
Do not force a move if it’s not feasible. Stay positive about the future even if you’re unable to relocate. Thinking and talking about the future makes it easier to get through this period of separation. Make it clear to each other that you want to be together as soon as possible and that you see the beauty of your lives together whether you are near or far.