Episode 5 is about Radical Online Dating, leveraging the internet to find the love of your life.
In this episode our clients are navigating the daunting world of online dating with the help of guest experts David and Dr. Samari Rios-Majka of samajikconnections.com
For our viewers from Michelle’s coach Sheryl Spangler:
TOP TEN TIPS for RADICAL ONLINE DATING
When I ask my clients if they have ever tried online dating, I generally first hear a groan and then something like, “that doesn’t work” or “I don’t want to put my information out there”. I smile as I listen to their experiences and tell them there is a method to the online dating madness. I then ask them if they’d be open to trying again with the help/guidance of a professional and most times they agree.
Online dating sites and apps are what I call “target rich environments”. Further, according to the latest statistics, approximately 20% of committed relationships and 17% of marriages began online. I believe online dating should be part of every singles’ dating strategy.
Here are my Top Ten Tips for Radical Online Dating:
1) Write a short, upbeat profile describing who you are and who you’re looking for.
The key words here are “upbeat and short”. No one wants to read a long profile so write just enough to attract interest and make the reader want to know more. To get you started, think of 5-7 words that describe you and work those into the headline and profile narrative.
Use this as an opportunity to learn more about your own likes and dislikes and what you’re looking for in a partner. Update your profile regularly with any changes or additions
2) Post 4-6 recent (within a year) flattering photos.
If you don’t have any recent photos, consider having some professional lifestyle photos taken. If that isn’t possible, then ask a friend to take some. Find an attractive park with a number of appealing backdrops. If you’re active, consider posing for an action shot, i.e. swinging a golf club.
Include at least one full length photo and be sure to include captions of when the photos were taken. Include where the photos were taken if the location is interesting.
3) Define and set up search criteria and run search.
Be as open as you can so that your search returns enough results. 200-300 prospects is a good number to aim for. You want enough prospects so that after sorting, you can find 3-5/day to write.
Be curious and enjoy getting to know people. In other words, embrace the adventure that is online dating. Expand your physical preferences to see what is possible.
4) Persistent, consistent activity is a must if you want to be successful online.
Try to spend 30 minutes a day online. Set aside a regular period of time to check your email, run your search and read and respond to profiles that you like.
Be the chooser. Online dating is equal opportunity ladies. If you like someone’s profile and they’re recently “active”, then send a short ice breaker ending with a question. Try commenting on a photo and asking where it was taken. Or, if you read something in the profile that interests, mention it and ask a question about it. It’s important to let your prospect know you read the profile and have an interest to know more.
Reply to emails as soon as possible. By delaying, you risk missing the opportunity altogether. Better to take a chance, and send an email than not.
5) Strive for progress, not perfection.
You don’t have to write perfect emails, and it isn’t a good idea to expect others to. There’s no such thing as a perfect profile or response. Everyone has their own ideas about how to reply, how to write profiles, etc. Also, take spell check into consideration when you are tempted to critique someone’s spelling. We’ve all been bitten by the spell check bug.
6) Don’t take this too seriously or personally.
While your intent is to find and meet that special someone as soon as possible, it usually doesn’t happen overnight, and you’re likely to talk with and meet various people in between now and then.
Some people won’t respond to your emails, and often, if it’s a paid site, it’s because they are not members and can’t even see your correspondence. Others will pass due to their preferences. Remember, they don’t know you so it’s not personal.
7) Use Law of Attraction thinking.
If you’re going to date online successfully, you have to believe that it will work for you or it won’t. Having a positive perspective and thinking optimistically are key. Two important Law of Attraction principles are “like attracts like” and “what is inside shows up on the outside”.
8) Embrace the adventure that is online dating
Be curious and enjoy getting to know people. Expand your physical preferences to see what is possible. While attraction is important, even a spark is something to build on. Often people become more attractive to us as we get to know them and appreciate who they are. Many committed relationships come from good friendships.
9) Remember the goal is get offline with those who interest you.
After 3-4 timely emails are exchanged, someone should move the action forward,
I recommend a short phone call as the next step. Try to have a question or two ready.
A good phone call will include a fairly even volley of asking and answering questions.
If the call goes well, it’s easy to set up a time to meet. I recommend coffee, a drink, or a walk for a first date. Try to limit it to an hour or less. The point of a first date is to see if you’re open to a second date. If not, then thank them, wish them well and move on.
10) Use the online sites as just one of several venues to meet people.
Don’t rely on online dating as the only source of possibility. The best strategy is to meet dating partners online and offline. Some offline possibilities are interest based groups, your place of worship, classes, and speed dating. These are just a few of many options.
Whatever you choose to do, have fun!
Sheryl Spangler, Certified Relationship Coach and Certified Matchmaker