1. Start by losing the losers
If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you. Staying available is hard for a lot of singles, but necessary for finding the love of your life.
2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”
Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Legal, financial, emotional, kids, ex, employment? Get it handled!
3. Next, make a list of your top five “requirements”
Requirements are non-negotiable deal-breakers; what you must have or must not have in your relationship. Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.
Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing:
4. If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:
Step One: Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)
Step Two: Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)
Step Three: Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)
Step Four: Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)
Repeat as needed.
That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.
5. Get support
Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.
6. Work it!
Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.
7 . Be positive and happy
Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.
8. Be the Chooser!
Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.
9. Be assertive!
If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.
10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single. “If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).
Finding your perfect mate is a combination of working on yourself so that you’re ready to attract and keep this wonderful person, and being proactive in your life to go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just “happen.”
Best wishes in your journey to find the love of your life and the life that you love.
Copyright 2006 David Steele
David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World. http://www.ConsciousDating.com.
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