About Aska Kolton

Aska Kolton is a Dating Detox Expert who helps single women love and value themselves so they stop making mistakes in love, start making more empowered romantic choices, and finally attract the quality relationship they deserve. Sign up for Aska’s Romancing Yourself Challenge HERE, and download her Get Ready For Love With The Dating Detox Guide HERE, and join her Facebook Group.

There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Single: Releasing the Shame and Stigma

7 Ways to Find Happiness While Single!   “Single is no longer a lack of options, but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” ~Mandy Hale In our society, being single is still heavily stigmatized. Being single is often perceived as something out of the norm. It is more acceptable to be part of a couple (even a dysfunctional one!) than it is to be single. And it is even more acceptable to be divorced than it is to be single. Unfortunately, our society makes us believe that being single is wrong, and your goal should be to find someone to be in a relationship with. Then and only then are you complete, happy, and more acceptable socially. Many single people feel lots of shame around being single. They feel like it’s their fault. They feel like there is something wrong with them. They feel like a failure. This societal pressure makes single people invest themselves in the wrong relationships, just to feel accepted. The reality is that being single is about being in a relationship with yourself. It is the most intimate relationship you will ever experience in your life. Being in a relationship with yourself should feel like the most natural thing, but it’s often regarded as an uncomfortable one. We find it easier to be with others than to be with ourselves. How crazy is that? I also want to add that it’s normal and healthy to want companionship. We want to connect with others. We are social animals. We are meant to be with others. Let’s don’t deny it. The problem starts when your desire to be in a relationship is fueled by the discomfort of being with yourself. The desperation for another person to save you from being single will only create more drama in your love life. That’s why it is so important to break thought the conditioning and become a happy single before you start looking for love. Ever since I can remember, I struggled with being single. I struggled with my status because I believed this collective conditioning around being single. I believed that it’s more socially acceptable to be in a relationship. I believed that there must be something wrong with me if I hadn’t found my life partner by the time I reached my thirties. That I was broken, less of a human being, and not complete, all because I was single. For the majority of my life, I desperately wanted to change my relationship status and escape all those thoughts and beliefs. I was ashamed of it. I felt like I hadn’t made it in life, because I couldn’t find a partner. I didn’t lke being on my own. I didn’t like being alone. I didn’t like having too much time on my hands. I used to make sure I had [...]

2020-10-05T14:25:30-07:00By |

8 Tips So You Don’t Lose Yourself In Your Next Relationship

“Never lose yourself in a relationship. Love your partner fiercely, but always follow your unique dreams and desires. Be true to yourself.” ~Unknown All my previous relationships drained me. Not only because I was with the wrong men and kept trying to make things work where there was no way, but also because I was a queen of justifying, accommodating, and compromising. I accommodated men because I wanted to be liked and avoid rejection. I justified their lousy behavior because I wanted to be in a relationship and not be alone. I compromised on my values and romantic ideals just to have someone in my life. On the surface, I was an independent woman, strong, fierce, and full of energy and opinions. When it came to relationships, I'd lose my power and myself completely in them. I would become a meek mouse with no voice or opinions. I would put my boyfriend’s needs first and ignore mine. I would keep quiet about how I felt. I wouldn't question things. It took me a few love attempts and ten years of random dating to recognize my unhealthy patterns. Firstly, I was subconsciously copying the behavior of my mum, who needed to survive with my despotic dad in a very turbulent relationship. I didn’t know any better until I learned the hard way. Secondly, I didn’t feel worthy of love. I didn't feel like I was good enough for anyone. I was afraid to be myself, as I didn't feel like I had much to offer. Thirdly, I wasn’t happy with myself and my life and I believed a relationship would change that, so my desire to be in one was pretty strong. These patterns made me feel and act like I was desperate for love. So, once I landed myself a boyfriend, I'd do anything to please him and keep him in my life. I would be a cheerful giver. I would take all the responsibility for the relationship on my own shoulders. I would make my men's life easier by doing things for them and sometimes against myself. I would accommodate their busy schedules, moods, and issues. I would help them improve their self-esteem and lifestyle so they’d feel happier within. I would completely disappear in my relationships. Everything in my relationships was about the men. They became my main focus and the most important thing in my life. I would abandon myself. I would give up my friends, my passions, and my dreams. I would lose my own identity in the name of love. My main priority was to keep them happy so I could keep the relationships. But even all the crazy giving and accommodating wouldn’t keep dysfunctional relationships going. So, when it came to an end, I would have nothing left to give. Every split left me feeling empty. It almost felt like a little part of me died after every relationship. I didn't know who I was anymore because I was [...]

2020-10-05T13:38:39-07:00By |