Choose Your Own Adventure: How Do We Make Life-Changing Decisions?

This morning I took our newly adopted dog Boon for a jog. We do this each morning before work as a way to mentally and physically prepare for the day. In the soft dawn glow, we happened upon Boon's best doggy pal Olive romping on school grounds. So, we paused for some playtime.   As Boon and Olive raced full speed in circles around us, Olive's dad and I had a nice chat. We've become doggy-parent friends, it's part of bringing animals into your life, your friend circle grows to include those who your fur baby loves too.   Olive's dad is faced with a huge life choice. One of those forks in the road that will impact the whole family and the course of the rest of their collective lives. As I listened to his process, I recalled my family's decision to move to Portland. A major life choice that we made just months ago, so it's very fresh.   Making tectonic, life-changing choices is one of those opportunities to test all of our life skills. These moments cause us to evaluate our lives deeply, project into different potential futures thoughtfully, and consider impacts not just on us but on those we care about. The more people depend on us, the heavier the decision can feel.   This is one of those topics where horses have a great deal to teach us. They move collectively through uncertainty all day long, especially those who enjoy the freedom of the wild. The direction-setter needs to take in all the information from the herd members. She needs to scan her environment for potential threats. She needs to use her best judgement and the herd's collective memory to help choose a direction.   All of this is true, but there is one more zinger to consider. It's what drove Olive's dad to talk with me this morning. And, it's a sign of a very good leader. This one more zinger is something my TeachingHorse colleagues taught me to see in my herd. The truth bomb is this: when facing uncertainty, horses gather rather than scatter. In other words, they convene to consider the options and make the decision from a place of connection and strength. We humans do the opposite all too often. We scatter, we retreat to our corner, we get lost in a sea of mental chatter.   I'm going to take this one a layer deeper, to the place Olive's dad and I went this morning. When we face uncertainty, we not only need to reach out and connect with our community in order to make the choice from a position of connection, clarity, and strength. We also need to connect inside of ourselves to that quiet place where we feel a part of something bigger. Call it God. Call it Source. Call it what you want, but know that it is the quiet whisper that guides us toward the highest best solution in all [...]

2023-09-19T10:53:49-07:00By |

Tips for Giving Christmas Gifts to Grandchildren

Many families cherish gift-giving as an important tradition during the Christmas holiday. Whether you exchange gifts together or need to send gifts from a distance, use a thoughtful present to express your love. Consider these tips for giving Christmas gifts to grandchildren. 1. Know Important Expectations While the word “expectations” can sound demanding, knowing expectations makes the gift-giving process much easier. You want to give your grandkids presents they will appreciate and enjoy. You also want to make sure the parents can appreciate the gift. Sometimes, well-meaning grandparents can give too many presents. This can lead to a lack of appreciation from the kids and too many objects in the house. Ask your grandkids’ parents about any limits or guidance for gifts to avoid this potential issue. 2. Consider Your Grandkids’ Ages and Personal Interests Another tip for choosing Christmas gifts for grandchildren is to consider the kids’ ages and personal interests. Many toys have age ranges labeled clearly on their packaging. You want to choose an age-appropriate toy that’s safe and interesting for your grandkids. Many toys can hold your grandchild’s heart for a long time. For example, one of the top Christmas gifts for a new grandbaby is a stuffed animal pacifier holder. Long after outgrowing the pacifier, your grandbaby will still love hugging, squeezing, and cuddling their toy. Your grandchildren’s personal interests can also guide you to the right gifts. Since kids can go through phases quickly, so check in with the parents to make sure that you’re up-to-date on your grandchildren’s interests. 3. Consider Gifting Experiences Finally, consider giving experiences. Activities, lessons, and events can open your grandchild’s mind to exciting things in the world. You can share these experiences with your grandchild or set it up as a family event for special bonding. Consider gifting an annual membership to a museum or waterpark. Or fund a new hobby, like playing a sport or an instrument. Tickets to special events like concerts, theater shows, and movies also create fun memories.

2022-11-02T05:47:16-07:00By |

Why You Should Forgive Even When They Don’t Apologize

Forgiveness is complicated. As imperfect people, we want forgiveness for our mistakes. But when other people wrong us, we often struggle to forgive them, especially when they don’t apologize. Keep reading to learn why you should forgive even when they don’t apologize and how forgiveness can benefit you. What Is Forgiveness? Before we get into why and how you should forgive someone and how that forgiveness can benefit you, we need to determine what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not telling someone that what they did wasn’t wrong. It’s also not a strategy to repair a broken relationship or trust. Forgiveness sits somewhere between denial and reconciliation. It’s an acknowledgment that something wrong happened but also that you’re no longer angry or resentful about that wrong. You don’t necessarily have a path forward to work past the other person’s wrongdoing, but you no longer have a negative emotion about that wrongdoing either. Even if the other person never apologizes for their wrongdoing, you can still decide to let go of your anger over it—that is forgiveness. Why Should You Forgive? Many people find it difficult to forgive another person when they never acknowledge and apologize for their wrongdoing. However, that shouldn’t prevent us from forgiving them anyways. We can still decide to let go of our anger toward that person and their transgression. That doesn’t mean we forget what happened or that we enter an unhealthy relationship with the person. Instead, it just means that we no longer hold onto that anger. We should let go of this anger because it helps us feel at peace. Forgiveness is one of the main teachings of Jesus that can improve our lives, and many other religions promote forgiveness too. Most religions and spiritual practices help us feel at peace within ourselves and the world. Forgiveness helps us achieve that peace. How Can You Forgive? It’s easy to say that we should just “let go” of anger over a wrong. In many cases, that anger is our desire for justice and our way of communicating that we want fair treatment. However, as you reflect on that hurt, try to empathize with the person who hurt you and understand where they’re coming from. Your hurt and anger toward them could also hold you back from your personal goals. Looking at the bigger picture will give your hurt room to shrink, allowing you to let go and feel free and at peace. There are many reasons why you should forgive someone even when they don’t apologize. The biggest reasons are so that you can move forward, find inner peace, and feel free. What someone else did to you should never hold you back from living a happy, fulfilled life; forgiveness can help you experience that.

2022-10-12T11:39:19-07:00By |

Interesting Little Ways That You Can Spice Up Your Day

On average, you’re awake for about 16 hours in the day, and there’s a lot of time for different things. Sadly, many of those 16 hours turn into a routine where you’re going from point A to point B like a robot. Read on to learn about some interesting little ways that you can spice up your day. Experience Nature A fantastic way to spice up your day is to get out into nature at least once a day. The natural world is beautiful, and sitting out in the sun among the breeze and chirping birds is one way to experience it. Sitting inside all day or driving in your car is tiresome, and you’re missing out on the wonderful vitamin D that the sun’s UV rays provide. Instead of another 10 minutes of artificial light, go outside and feel rejuvenated by sitting in the sun. Fun Little Drinks One of the best things you can do to interrupt your day with some flavor is to treat yourself in the form of some fun little drinks. Depending on your job, you may spend eight hours a day sitting at a desk, and you need those interruptions here and there to recenter yourself. A drink is a great addition to your day because it stays around for a while, has an interesting flavor, and you can show off your creativity with it. For example, there are a lot of coffee drinks you can make, like the Dalgona or whipped coffee. Of course, you’ll need to put in an extra minute in the break room, but it’s worth it for this delicious drink. Try To Learn Something New Learning something new is a great way to bring some intrigue into your life, as it’s something you can use throughout the day. For example, try learning a new language. It’s a daunting undertaking, but all you need to do is a little bit here and there, and you’re on the way to speaking a new language. In the morning, try to learn some new vocabulary or grammar, and then try to incorporate what you’ve learned throughout the day. Include it in conversation, practice coming up with sentences you can say, and more. Spice up your day with these interesting little tricks, and you’ll have a day where you don’t feel like a cog in a machine but a person. These small interruptions of pleasure help you appreciate the work you’re putting in every day!

2022-10-12T11:43:20-07:00By |

Remember This Tool When Leading Through Uncertainty

Our understanding of leadership has changed dramatically in recent years. We used to collectively believe that leadership is about having the answers. More and more of us now know that leadership is not about having the answers, leadership is about service and allowing the best answers to be found. Leadership is about personal accountability, curiosity, deep listening, adapting, serving, finding mutual benefit, integrity, communication, kindness, respect, vision, and commitment. Leadership is a way of being.   When we're faced with uncertainty, it's easy to fall back into the old notion that leadership means having the right answers. Answers make us feel safe and when we're uncertain, safe is what we want most. Unfortunately, this is the exact wrong way to navigate an unknown situation. The results will nearly always be subpar, if not a total disaster.   When we seek safety, we seek the known. Very often though, what we know is not going to get us through uncertainty because, by it's nature, we are outside the bounds of what we know.   Today, I find myself facing another significant uncertainty. My beautiful mare Dancer is sick, very sick. I've done all that I know to help her and now it is time for the vet to step in.   The challenge now is to walk through this health crisis with my head on straight. To be a leader to my herd, I am responsible for their care. Isn't that true of any health crisis? The vet is an expert, an expert who I feel deeply grateful to have available just like any doctor. Whether the health crisis is happening to our animals or our own self, we all will face more than one in this lifetime.   It is tempting at times like this to turn over responsibility to the experts. It's times like this we can think, "I don't have the answer, so I must not be the right one to lead here!" Yet, at the end of the day, the accountability rests with me and abdicating that is not good leadership. Isn't that true when we're facing the oncologist too? The goal as leader is to keep your head clear and heart open, so that the expertise and information can be fully absorbed. From there, it can inform our best thinking.   I've recently been enjoying a book called More Time to Think by Nancy Kline. In it, Kline provides a well considered and researched framework for creating powerful thinking environments. One core belief that she holds (which I resonate with entirely) is that YOU are the best source of answers to the questions that YOU have. If given a safe and loving environment, information, and time, you will find the best possible solution.   Thus, there is good news here. I will have the answer regarding how to best care for Dancer. What I need are these three things: 1) an excellent thinking environment, 2) information (veterinary expertise, personal experience, experience [...]

2022-05-23T18:45:39-07:00By |

Boundaries Are Our Points of Connection, Not Walls

When someone said the words, "You need better boundaries," I used to bristle. I used to believe that boundaries meant walls that we build to protect our egos. I despised walls, I didn't trust the ego, thus I hated boundaries too. As a lifelong yogi, I believed that unity was the goal and boundaries were in direct opposition. Then one day I was working with a powerful horse. He was pushing his giant body around and forcing me to either step up or get out of the way. My trainer said that I was leading with my forehead, trying to direct his movements from my spiritual eye. He coached me to drop into my body and move from my belly, the seat of power. I was taken aback. Was I really trying to push this big horse around with my forehead? Yup. And it was getting me nowhere. So, I dropped in. I breathed deep, grounded into the earth with my feet, and re-centered my attention on the belly. When I was ready, I began to move the horse again, but this time, I led from my core. He responded immediately by moving where I asked him to go. He moved gracefully around the arena with me in willing partnership because I had met his energy with an appropriate match. Let me be clear, it wasn't about pushing him around or being "the boss." Too high a vibration and he was shoving right into me, too much space between us and the connection would be lost. The change happened when I met him at the correct frequency, the boundary point where our energies could meet in healthy partnership. This was the first in a long journey of exploring the power of boundaries with horses and then with humans. In time, I learned that a boundary is not a wall, it is an appropriate point of connection. To hold healthy boundaries takes way more energy and awareness than to put up a wall or it's opposite, to let everyone unload their crap on you. The effort and discipline reaps worthwhile rewards. Relationships at work and home are transformed when we learn the art of boundaries because our points of connection become empowering, authentic, and full of love. This is the art of partnership and it will change everything. [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwkLCdza9jI[/embedyt]

2022-02-24T13:57:45-08:00By |

8 Activities with Surprising Mental Health Benefits

If you want to improve your mental health, you might use therapy services, take prescription medicines, and exercise more often. While these are typically the best options for people struggling with emotional and psychological issues, there are also a variety of other activities that can yield surprising mental health benefits. Here are just a few suggestions:   Art Therapy Expressing oneself has always been a great option for those with a lot on their mind, and using various mediums, such as painting or sculpting, can help you to express complex and difficult emotions. People dealing with anxiety or depression can benefit from translating the emotions in their heads onto a variety of mediums while under the guidance of a professional art therapist.   Dance Dancing can be an excellent way to alleviate stress and express yourself. It’s a convenient activity due to the lack of needed materials and the ease of doing it anywhere, at any time, and it’s a wonderful way to express your individual style and creativity. In many contexts, dancing can also be a social activity, and interacting with others can combat feelings of loneliness or being misunderstood.   Outdoor Activities Interacting with nature can be a simple way to clear your head and reflect on life. Being in natural surroundings enables you to reconnect with the world and take your mind off of society and material things. If fresh air sounds good but escaping into nature isn’t quite what you had in mind, how about a weekend trip to Los Angeles? You could check out some of those restaurants and bookstores you’ve been hearing about, followed by a stop at the Natural History Museum. You could even catch a Dodgers game if you're a sports fan. You can find discounted tickets online through sites like TickPick which allows you to filter by date, price range, and seat rating. You can also utilize their interactive seating chart of Dodger Stadium to get 360-degree virtual in-seat views before you purchase.   Puzzles Solving puzzles can provide a mental challenge that grants a sense of achievement upon completion. Puzzles offer you chances to pursue difficult tasks without presenting any real-world consequences for failure.   Watching Movies Movies help people escape to other places, view the world through perspectives that are new to us, and present questions about the human condition we may be eager to answer. Studies have shown some surprisingly potent psychological benefits of watching movies.   Collecting Collecting things creates a sense of accomplishment that compounds upon itself as the collection grows. There are also clubs built around collecting different things, so if you’re dealing with loneliness, you’ll get the chance to socialize with others who share your interest.   Cooking Preparing food can be a fun and creative activity that generates positive feelings for those who enjoy serving friends and family members. Cooking dishes that are culturally or personally significant is also a great way to help others feel closer to [...]

2022-02-23T14:01:51-08:00By |

Want to Change the World? Learn to Receive.

I am friends with some of the best people on earth. They are kind, devoted, and disciplined. Many of them want to change the world. Some want to change it through activism or nonprofit work, others want to create powerful businesses that solve the world's problems, some are artists with incredible perspectives to share, and some want to change the world by becoming enlightened. If you're reading this, you're one of them. I am too. Full stop. So, if our intentions are good and our efforts focused, why are so many of us playing small? Our books are being self-published, our classes reach numbers in the tens or maybe hundreds, but not thousands. Our nonprofits struggle for funding or our B-corps lack investors. Even with our best efforts, our community of influence never breaks beyond a certain bubble. Here's what I felt deeply this morning that is changing me: I used to believe that to change the world, I needed to set aside my ego and be a channel for something bigger than me. Now I know that to change the world, I need to receive its love and gifts with such acceptance that it fuels ME to BE BIGGER. Every time someone used to say to me, "Great job Gita," or, "Thank you, you've helped me so much," I would shrink. I would reply with uncomfortable responses like, "It wasn't me, it was the Divine, but thank you," or, "it's been a team effort, but thanks." These responses came from fear that the praise would grow my ego and my ego was the enemy. Here is what happened this morning that changed me. I was standing inside the gate to my horse pasture, halter in hand. I observed three of my horses notice me. Slowly they stopped their grazing and turned to face me as if to say, "hello." There they stood, about fifty feet away, facing me. It felt like they were waiting for me to answer a question. I closed my eyes and scanned my body. I noticed my breath and took a big one. Then I decided to ask myself a question, "Who do I need to be to have them choose to come to me?" The answer came, "You need to be so full of love that they feel amazing in your presence and they can't wait to be near you." Then a visual came to me. I was walking out onto a stage, about to give a speech to an audience of thousands. I felt my big open heart, I breathed deeply from my belly. A wave of adoration and appreciation flooded me from the audience. Rather than ducking the wave and fearing it will make me an ego-maniac, I let it wash all over me. It felt like a huge tsunami of love and as I let it into my heart, I felt myself expand bigger and bigger until I could feel every single person in the audience! [...]

2022-02-09T13:23:59-08:00By |

Five Steps to Turn Failure into Growth

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” - Robert F. Kennedy   We read motivational books, we see meme’s on social media, we hear what great leaders say about failure, they all tell us that failure is a step on the journey to success. They remind us that it is our willingness to fall down, brush off the dirt, look around for the lessons, and keep going that makes or breaks our success. But the cold hard truth is that this process hurts, it’s hard, and our path is littered with grief.   I woke this morning with a heavy heart. Failure was the topic of my personal coaching session yesterday and the feelings lingered. The doubts felt like a dark cloud over my head, causing me to question the choices that I’ve made and the sacrifices along the way. So, as I sat to meditate this morning, I decided to lean into the grief. What came out of the process was a deep sense of gratitude, so here is what I did to get there: Write a list of all your perceived failures. Write the jobs you’ve lost or left in disharmony, the trigger moments that sent you into a tailspin and caused you to react in ways you regret, the relationships that challenged you and you dislike how you handled them, the decisions you made that you regret. Whatever you see as failures, write them down. Now, review the list. Sit with the discomfort and the feelings that arise as you look at each moment. Breathe. Take a few minutes to practice a simple even-count breathing exercise that brings you into an emotionally congruent state. Inhale for four to six counts and exhale for an equal amount of counts. Give yourself at least 5 rounds of this even-count breathing exercise. Next, make a list of the personal quality that you needed, but didn't have enough of, in each failure. Words like integrity, honesty, focus, kindness, mindfulness, forgiveness, boundaries come to mind for me. What was that event trying to teach you? Focus not on the details of the event, but on the qualities within yourself that you wish you had more of to face the challenge and achieve a different outcome. This can be hard. We often want to justify our failures as someone else's fault. Resist that urge. Release the story of what happened and take responsibility for how you showed up in the event only. This is brave and humbling. Finally, take a look at what you’ve written. See how the qualities needed to overcome the challenges you have faced are the areas in yourself that you most need to address. Or, you may find that these are the areas you are making the most progress on. The one question left to ask yourself is this, “am I committed to growing in these areas?” If you have yet to make that commitment, this is your invitation. If [...]

2022-01-13T11:18:55-08:00By |

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Between a rock and a hard place, it's the best way to describe how we all feel at times. It happens when two voices, often inside our own selves, argue about the best course of action.   Clients arrive in this state often. It's a tortuous feeling, usually accompanied by fear of making the wrong choice. As if life is a choose your own adventure story and you're decision today is going to send you to the chapter where the dragon eats you up.   The truth is, these are often big choices. Whether to stay in a marriage, a job, a friendship. Whether to allow our in-laws to come to Thanksgiving or how to deal with a mistake we have made. These choices feel huge because they have real consequences.   When I begin coaching around this choice, the impulse of the client is to dive into the details. Tell the whole story and assume that in doing so, the correct course of action will be obvious. It never is.   You can't solve a problem from the frequency of it. You have to first shift gears. You have to enter a state of safety and Self awareness. Neuroscience has a new theory to explain this called Polyvagal theory.   In a nutshell, it goes like this: the vagus nerve that runs along the spine determines your state of being. When the lower nervous centers, the dorsal and sympathetic systems, are activated, your brain is in a state of either freeze, flight, or fright. From this state, your higher centers at the heart and brain are shut off. You are literally unable to use executive functions. So, telling the story will do you no good. Not without some more subtle things happening in the process.   The way out is through. The way to our executive function is through the heart center along the vagus nerve through a process called co-regulation. This is where Polyvagal gets fascinating. We mammals require an external connection, one that is in a higher functioning state, in order to create internal safety that soothes the lower vagus nervous system. Once our dorsal and sympathetic systems are deactivated, our higher functions of intuition and creative problem solving become available once more.   When we do it right, we reach out for help during a time of crisis choice like this. Maybe it's a trusted friend, a therapist, a coach. Maybe it's a beloved dog or, most powerful among animal co-regulators, a horse. Whoever it is, we are unconsciously seeking a source to co-regulate with us, to help us unlock our higher thinking and perception.   When clients arrive at the round pen in this state, I often have them groom the horse as they share their conflicting feelings, fears, and worries. Sometimes they take the horse for a walk as they talk. They think this is about catching me up to the decision point. It is, of course, helpful to [...]

2022-01-13T11:08:31-08:00By |

4 Keys to Healthy Conflict

You’re a sensitive person, walking through your day with invisible armor to protect yourself from the intensity, insensitivity, or abrasiveness of others. You’ve found a way to make it work, but at a cost. Your way is avoidance and the cost is your authenticity and joy. When your boss gives you that look, you step back and hunch your shoulders forward in preparation for the requisite admission of guilt that will deescalate him. When your partner uses that tone of voice, you know it’s time to change the subject and forget about trying to be understood. In an argument, the words never come out right. You’re prone to emotional outbursts or bouts of situational depression. Little by little, day by day, your defenses have left you disconnected from your true feelings and unable to find your own voice. If this is you, I get it, this was me too until I let the horse teach me a new way of addressing conflict. Today, I am an equine guided life coach. I facilitate experiential learning for humans with horses, letting the horse guide the human toward a more balanced, authentic, and joyful state of being. What the horse has taught me and my clients about addressing conflict has changed my life forever. Let’s start with a story. One day a client, we’ll call her Cynthia, arrived for a session. She was late, holding a hot coffee in one hand and wearing no protection against the harsh midday sun. She seemed hurried and scattered. As she approached the round pen, Chi, the bay gelding I had selected to work with her, hung his head over the gate and seemed anxious to leave us. Cynthia patted his nose and told him he was handsome. We entered the pen and Cynthia launched into her life situation. As she spoke, the gelding paced around the outside of the pen as if to say, “I feel anxious and tense, I have to move my body.” He was a perfect reflection of Cynthia’s inner state of being. Cynthia continued to share her feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, while another horse, Nasim, approached the round pen and stuck his nose over the fence to greet Chi. The two sniffed in their usual manner, but as Cynthia’s story began to veer toward the conflict she felt between her feelings of suffocation and sincere connection with her spiritual community, the two horses began to argue. Chi and Nasim relentlessly nipped at each other over the rail as Cynthia spoke. For a moment, it seemed to de-escalate as Nasim left Chi and approached the round pen gate in an obvious request to enter. I knew it was risky, Cynthia was caught in her inner conflict and the two geldings were already showing aggression. But, if there is one thing the horses have taught me, (which they certainly have taught more than one thing!) it is to trust them. I let Nasim into the pen and kept a [...]

2021-07-09T20:15:30-07:00By |

Practicing Patience

“Patience attracts happiness; it brings near that which is far.” Swahili Proverb   Eleven months into this pandemic, we are all being pushed to practice a high degree of patience. Patience as we wait to see our loved ones safely. Patience as our business growth is stymied. Patience as we await our turn for a vaccine. Whatever is currently on hold in your life, I suspect you too have suffered moments of anxiety or frustration over the time spent waiting. The lesson of patience and learning to surrender to “right timing” has come front and center for me too. These recent years have been a string of lessons in the value of patience. I knew in my heart that a change was needed years before Herd Spirit manifested in my life. Those years were marked with many successes and many failures in the practice of patience. When we are able to wait for the time to ripen, all manner of blessings unfold before us. When we push, we often end up exhausted and nowhere nearer the goal. Sometimes, we even roll backward. Patience does not mean doing nothing. That is a misconception that results in even greater levels of frustration and anxiety. Patience, instead, is an act of faith that requires a great deal of effort to practice. It is active, not passive, making it the direct balm to our suffering if we can learn to use it. Patience is practiced as a cycle that looks something like this:   We begin with reflection, noticing where we hold tension in the body, what thoughts are causing us to suffer, what situation we believe needs to change? Next, we breathe deeply. We pause and practice releasing tension in the body, returning our mind to a state of receptivity, where superconscious solutions are found. Receptivity is marked by an inner state of calmness. (If you’re curious whether you are calm right now, check out this Calmness Inventory, put together by the author of Calm Compassionate Children, Usha Dermond, and made available by Conscious Families.) When we’re in that balanced frame of mind, we take a step forward. We do what is in front of us to do. This may not look like solving the problem at all. What is before us may be a pile of dishes, it may be a report for work, it may be caring for a loved one. What’s important is that we take the step before us with an open heart. Here we pause and breathe again. Before bringing any thought into the equation, it’s essential to return the body to a resting state. Then we return to reflection. We check in with body, mind, and heart to see if the action we took was the right one. If we reflect that during our activity, we remain mindful and receptive, we know we’re on the right path. We rinse and repeat indefinitely. Patience is not simply waiting for the “universe” to answer [...]

2021-02-26T14:25:32-08:00By |

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